Monday, September 22, 2008

SFL Contest Winners Make Out Big! (but they don't make out with each other - it's not one of those kinds of sites)

Once, I dated a preaching major. For graduation he wanted a day timer so he could record his sins as they occurred. He wanted to make sure he was always on top of whether or not he was saved, cause (according to him) you just never know. I told him, "I'm pretty sure you're not saved in the first place." Surprisingly, we broke up soon after. It's been at least 15 years since that happened. He never calls or writes.

Hooray for the "Guess My SCL Blog Contest". Just as a reminder, here are the winners:

Dog Snob
Sam - who I don't think he realizes he won, but he did!!! Lucky ol' Sam.

(If you haven't already sent me your address shoot me an e-mail so I can get your gift to you.)

Because the gift needed to reflect the blog content, each winner will receive a Bible College Survival Pack. Here's a picture of what our contest winners will receive:

Here's the explanation for each piece of the gift:

1 Perfect Preacher Pocket Protector (don't panic, it's colorless so don't worry about it messing up your fashion statement)

1 red pen (because Jesus spoke in red ink and so should you)

1 highlighter for especially notable sermon illustrations

2 pens

1 set of floaties for safety while baptizing, which is a danger often overlooked

2 packs of grape Kool Aid for making communion on the go (Now I realize there are some denominations that use red wine for communion. Trust me, I would have sent it but I don't have a multi-state liquor liscense. Yet...)

1 stack of mini post it notes - for recording sins throughout the day so that you don't forget to repent

1 pack of pantyhose

1 lip gloss with a key chain that reads, "I heart Boys", signifying that if you were a Bible College chick trying to land a preacher you'd be more than happy to try your best to birth him some sons so they can go off to Bible College, become preachers, and make the family proud by wearing the same suits to class dear ol' dad wore 20 some years ago

1 pack of post it notes for writing down your sins, like my former preacher pal

1 Hose-Nose Mask - strap it over your own nose, remove the cap and green slime candy drips on your tongue - yummmm

And perhaps my favorite prizes are handkerchiefs that I personalized for each of my winners. Here are the super special personalisation messages:

Bud - S.F.L.B.C. Class of '08 Professional Pulpit Hog &
I heart B.C. Babes

Sam - Homiletics Hottie &
S.F.L.B.C. Class of 2008, Bible Banger
(Notice how Sam's handkerchief is misspelled? That's why it's best for everyone concerned I married a CPA. Not that I can add either.)

Dog Snob - my only female winner gets special hankies...
May I Water Your Camels? &
Wide Hips Increase Fellowships S.F.L.B.C. 2008

That's right, folks, I'm dangerous when it comes to puff paint. Also, notice that I have started the official Stacy From Louisville Bible College. Surely the great thinkers of all Christendom will flock. I can't guarantee you'll be accepted, but if you'd like to apply please - in 3,000 words or less - leave a comment that tells me why you might be worthy to attend such a prestigious institution. Remember, at SFL I do have standards. I just forgot where I put them.

And here's a little extra somethin'-somethin' to thank all of you for being such a good blog audience. I think I went to school with the mailman, but I can't be sure.

Don't forget to apply to SFLBC when you're done...


eastern ky pastor said...

And here I thought the Village People were bad enough. Fake Village People I may have permant brain damage. And I don't know if my insurance covers Fake Village People Syndrone.

Dog snob said...

Stacy you just made my day!! I knew there was a practical reason for having wide hips ;)

Donna said...

so glad i was finished w/ my coffee....

Anonymous said...

heyy....I don't believe I ever sent you my address from the Idaho contest.....where can I sent that to?

bub said...

I am so stoked about my prize package, thank you! I also thought that maybe we could have maybe gotten a scholarship to The SFLBC. Oh, and I'm glad that I don't have to make out with Sam. No offense, Sam.

Stacy from Louisville said...

My e-mail is in my profile but since you asked so nicely..

sam said...

I WONNNNNNNNNNNN?!?! no wayyyyyyyyyyy. i never win anything. what an honor. thank you SFL!! i heart you.
lol by the way i am a girl.. but i'll be a guy if it means i won :D
lol i agree with bub.. free scholarship to SFLBC!! i'll transfer right now.. u've shown me what i've been missin out on all these years :D
im so excited i can barely contain myself, all for a Homiletics Hottie hankerchief... ahh.
and none taken bub, i don't particularly wanna make out with you either. lol.
YAY :)

teamstrand said...

that is awesome. i think that the mailman is a.c. slater...or maybe the guy that a.c. replaced.

Stacy from Louisville said...

My husband came home from work. I greeted him as I normally do, "Did you read my blog today? Did ya?? Did ya???" To which he responded, "Yes and he's not a mailman. He's a cop."

Silly me. For so many reasons....

Andrea said...

This may well be my new favorite blog/website!! (Found it via SCL on Thursday!) But I have to SFLBC okay with dancing? Because there was definitely dancing (well, some might call it that) going on in that video, even if it had a good biblical message (well, some might call it that). And I'm not entirely sure I could go to a Bible College with such liberal standards. I mean, there was even some physical contact at the end there.... I will have to give this some serious thought and much prayer before I can, in good conscience, send in my application. :-D

Stacy from Louisville said...


I appreciate your inquiry as to the standards of SFLBC, est. 2008. Here at SFL we have rigirous standards concerning dancing.

1) If you dance like the mailman/cop in the video you will be thrown out, no questions asked. We cannot encourage such behavior. Period.

2) Dancing in a unitard while wearing swim goggles is also frouned upon. But if you are wearing a cape with said unitard and the swim goggles, pretending to be a Bible superhero, say Lester Lust-No-More, who are we to rebuke your calling?

3) The real reason premarital sex is prohibited in Bible College? It might lead to dancing. (That's not so much of a standard as food for thought.)

Good luck, Andrea. We'd love to call you alumni very soon.

Stacy From Louisville
President of SFLBC
"We do have standards. We just forgot where we put them."

Nicole said...

Man I wish I had entered the contest
I need one of the survival kits!!!
thanks for the comment!
I'm glad you got over yourself
because now my blog has a name!

I get over myself all the time so that I can tell other people to get over themselves with out guilt...or at least with out guilt about not having any...

Thanks for a great read!
one of your faithful reader!

Nicole said...

I should be attempted to SFLBC because I'm single and will most likely graduate the bible college I currently go to that single at least according to this quiz I took...
but graduating this way makes me as cool as Stacy so I'm ok with it

Nicole said...


sorry my spell check did something crazy... : )

sam(antha) said...

;O no dancing?
im gonna have to seriously reconsider sending in my application now..

Lady Arbonne said...

I am speechless. Freakishly funny, and yet, I feel violated in so many ways by the new and improved spiritual Village People. They should be the mascot at the new SFLBC.

Skerrib said...

I would like to be considered for admission to SFLBC because I aspire to the highest levels of church culture sarcasm.

My experience includes 8 years of Christian elementary school, along with AWANA, choir and youth group at the same church as said school, as well as Christian college. There was a 4 year lapse where I went to public high school, but youth group and contemporary Christian music helped me keep that church-kid sheen.

I have spent the subsequent 9 years in church-kid recovery using sites such as Larknews, SCL, and now SFL for therapy and overall catharsis. However, I feel that I'm ready to take things to the next level so that I can give back to those in need. Or something.

Ann Marie & Scott said...

that video is rediculous! :)
where do i fill out an app for BC?? I need sarcastic training!!