There are many confused people roaming this great big world of ours. Some are lonely. Some are down and out. Some can't coordinate their clothes to save their souls. What's to become of mankind if there isn't an intervention? Someone who cares, a voice of reason for troubled times? You know, someone with a blog that's filled with sage wisdom, handed down from the great thinkers of our time. Aren't these the questions that keep you up at night?
Well, fret no more, my friend! Hope rises on the horizon in a big sunny ray of light called "Dear Stacy". That's right; I'm here to lend a manicured hand to those wrestling with the pressing inconsistencies of life.
Though I can't balance a checkbook, I am rather astute at offering advice. In fact I have a friend who told me that if she ever needed advice I'd be the last person she called. Which only proves the age old adage, "It's always in the last place you look." (And like I've alluded to before, "it's" all about me anyway.)
I'd like to demonstrate exactly what I mean. In the comments section of Stacy from Louisville I found two lost souls, each wandering a different path, desperate for counsel. Never mind that neither one really wanted my input. The fact is, God used this situation to hone my skills, as I'm sure you will soon see...
I'm swimming like crazy trying to escape the pull of the women's ministry vortex of death. I'm the part-time minister of music's wife (the music is part time, not the wife) in what to me is a tiny church. Kinda hard to avoid the questions (as to why I'm avoiding the meetings), but so far, so good. They meet during the Sunday evening service, so my "preference" hasn't been an issue. If they ever change the time, I'm toast. Why does women's ministry have to be so stinkin' sweet? Sometimes life is just plain stinkin'. And you bet I'm anonymous on this one.
Stacy from Louisville said...
You're caught between a rock and a hard place. (I like to say that because it's so fresh and I'm cool like that) If you ever even think they're going to change the times (your women's group meets) I would immediately start volunteering somewhere. Even if you have to shake hands during flu season as an unpaid, unofficial Wal-Mart greeter, so be it. Then you can tell people, "I would love to go to women's group but I have been spending time with the elderly." Seriously, you will become a saint.
I'm moving to Zambia (where it rains a LOT) and now I'm thinking about getting some of my own salvation pants ~ perhaps in bright, obnoxious pink with rhinestone accents?
Hilarious post! Keep em’ coming!
Since I am not sure why you are moving to Zambia I can't adequately advise you on fashion dos and don'ts. But lack of information has never stopped me from handing out my 2 cents so here you go. To make the pink salvation pants work I would suggest paring them with a form fitting black turtleneck and a silver rope choker necklace. Top it all off with lots of eyeliner and a black beret and voila! Sex in the City meets Salvation Pants in Zambia. It's like I always say, if you don't look good, Jesus don't look good.
So there you have it. Two whole people whose lives were changed from my wisdom. Still have doubts? Look at it this way: Right now there is someone walking the streets of Zambia rockin’ some hot pink waist-high waiders and making a huge fashion statement. As I’m sure you know, there are some places in the world where they don’t take Americans seriously. I shudder to think what might have happened if I wouldn’t have intervened.
Now all this wisdom is available at your fingertips. I’m here to HELP YOU. Stuck in a quandary? Tell me about it. Confused by something in church culture? Let me help. Need a sermon illustration? I did go to Bible College, after all, which makes me a professional in this area too. Whatever your conundrum, concern, or controversy, I’ve got nothin’ but love for you. This is my calling, dear reader. (Yes, all one of you…) Dare I day it’s my life’s mission. All this and spoofing 80s lyrics wrapped in one penitent package. Who knew?
Just so you know, there is no charge for my services. I reject the notion that “You only get what you pay for”. Here at Stacy From Louisville, I like to say “The best things in life are free” (Excluding my Christmas gifts, of course.) So let me help you. Leave you question or comment. Much like an unofficial Wal-Mart greeter I know, you’ll be glad you did.
Depending on whether or not all 3 of you reading this today leave a question you’ll be seeing my answers in the form of an entire post in the days and weeks to come. Is that service or what? Now, should your situation be urgent, please let me know. Far be it from me to have you suffer needlessly. Oh, yes, you’re in good hands
“Dear Stacy” is just a few clicks away. How can I help you today????
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