Sometimes it's easy to pretend that the people in the Bible weren't real people like you and me. It's convenient to think the characters of Scripture a far removed, set apart or untouchable. We see them as heroes, which most of them are. But most of them stumbled their way down the path of faith. While I've always tried to think of the people of God's Word as everyday folks, there's a concept that never occurred to me, until now: Bible pick up lines.
Yes, I'm serious (well, not really, but I am medicated so I'm not dangerous). Great men and women of the Bible using their mountain top encounters with God....to pick up chicks, or dudes as the case may be. Now I don't know if there were things like Eharmony or "Blind Date" (the skanky version of "The Dating Game") back in Galilee, or if they were more into speed dating or what, but I know this for sure: No matter who you are, you only get one chance to make a first impression.
So without further ado, here's my list of pick up lines from the Bible...
Adam, to Eve: You're the most beautiful girl in the world.
Eve, to Adam: Not if you were the last guy on Earth.
Noah: Darlin' I can make it rain.
Jacob: I wasn't always a two timer.
Moses: I'd walk through water for you.
Rahab: I don't hang scarlet thread in my window for just anybody, you know.
Balam: My ass can talk and right now it's whispering your name. (ok, cue hate mail)
Jonah: You've got one whale of a body. I should know.
Bathsheba, to David: Can I borrow a towel?
Zachariah: I wish I could tell you how beautiful you are.
Judas: Want a kiss?
Peter: As a matter of fact, yes, I do walk on water.
Paul: You're a vision. No, really.
But surely this list doesn't end here. I'll bet you know some great Biblical pick up lines. Do all of Christendom a favor and list them here...
- Bible College - Be Afraid (7)
- Bible Study/Women's Ministry (2)
- cats (2)
- children (3)
- Contests and Give Aways (15)
- cooties (1)
- crazy people (1)
- DC Talk (1)
- Easter (2)
- Good God/Bad Church (3)
- Halloween (5)
- Jesus Voice Over Vintage 21 (1)
- Marriage (3)
- May I Suggest/New to SFL (1)
- My Family (8)
- Poop (1)
- Pranks (2)
- Secular Songs With Christian Lyrics - oh please (4)
- Stacy's Story (5)
- Wet Your Pants Funny Stuff (3)
- Why "Stacy From Louisville" (1)