Tuesday, September 23, 2008

SFLBC, Established 2008

As you may know, from yesterday's post, I have started my own Bible College, Stacy From Louisville Bible College. Established in 2008, SFLBC seeks to equip future and current pastors and laypeople with the sarcasm necessary to survive church culture. Being in its infancy, I make up the board of directors, the teaching staff, and, of course, I'm the president. If you don't like it, go to real Bible college and see if you get a better deal. Go on. I dare you. Or, if you trust me enough to take my word for it, you can take that $9,000 a year and put it back in your pocket, after purchasing my birthday gift, of course. SFLBC is completely non-profit and free to all who choose to sit under my tutelage. (That's right, I said tutelage. I'm not as unqualified for this position as you thought!)

Samantha, a potential SFLBC applicant, was concerned that my fine institution frowned upon dancing. To clear things up, I did not say "no dancing". (Samantha, I would hope you fill out your application with more attention to detail.) I said, for the record:

1) No Mailman/Cop dancing as seen in yesterday's video.
2) No unitard dancing unless it's for ministry purposes.
3) No premarital sex (which is a different issue all together, but still.)

It goes without saying you will have an entire semester of interpretive dance. We supply super-flowing, consecrated ribbons, you supply the passion for socially awkward, ballet-like ministry at the mall. In front of Chick-Fil-A, of course. During that semester there will also be a class on the proper etiquette for wedding dancing, an excerpt of which appears below.



If any of you have further questions concerning the SFLBC policies or rules, please comment below. I will do my best to answer your questions.


Watering Camels,

Stacy From Louisville
SFLBC President
"We do have standards. We just forgot where we put them."

25 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm shocked. And disappointed. And deeply offended. At the 1:13 mark of the video...that young lady bared her...uh...how do I put this delicately...and to a mixed audience...ANKLE! That disturbed me so much I couldn't watch the rest.

If that's how applicants to the SFLBC, Established 2008, Stacy from Luhvull President, behave...I will apply immediately...if not sooner. What are the school colors by the way...blue and pink?

Anonymous said...

is there a dress code at SFLBC? Cuz yeah, I wear clothes but someplaces don't think I wear the "right" clothes. Not being able to have Thong Thursday's & Flipflop Friday's would be a deal breaker for me.
;)

Amanda Mae A said...

Stacy,
I think it is imperative that I enroll in your Bible College immediately, particularly since I may not be able to afford real college for much longer. But more importantly, I want to dance like THAT at my wedding one day. F'reals.

daphne said...

I forgot about the bible collage for a minute and thought SFLBC stood for Stace from Lville Before Christ and was excited. That is prolly some pretty amusing stories, no?

daphne said...

Awww! Just watched the video! Reminds me of my wedding. sniff sniff

Nicole said...

Yeah what are the SFLBC colors?
and might your mascot be a camel?
are there any clubs or sports?

I don't know if you've seen the baby got book video but in case you haven't it's a must see
here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTYr3JuueF4

Anonymous said...

Stacy already has done some background work regarding the SFLBC Established 2008 mascot. I reference her comments from SCL post #391:

The Thrashin' Eunic Leviathans of Christendom 3:16

The Lunging Rahab Pack Mules of Armageddon 3:16

The Speaking In Tongues Sorcerers of Spilled Entrails 3:16.

I realize SFLBC, Est. 2008 is only a little over one day old. These are serious considerations. Take you time. Perhaps Hucklebuck, creater of the world famous Purse Weasel, would assist with Mascot/Logo preparation.

When is homecoming by the way? Which brings up an interesting question; does a school have a homecoming during it's inaugural year?

Stacy from Louisville said...

Anon,

I wish I knew who your were. You are very funny in a "let's comb through SCL to remind Stacy of all the smack she's dished" kind of way. It's super adorable of you.

Blessing your heart,

Stacy

Miss Hannah said...

I was not expecting "Baby Got Back." At all. I actually thought it was another, similar video, in which the couple started dancing to the same song, but it turned into Jacko's "Billie Jean." I have to say, I dug Michael over Sir Mix-A-Lot, but that is still a wonderful idea. I wish your Bible college had been established three years ago ... I could have had dancing like that at my wedding.

samantha said...

Yep. The video sold it for me... i'm in. That is freakin hilarious.
Thanks for clearing up the no dancing issue.. i guess i just saw "no" and "dancing" in the same sentence and jumped to the worst possible conclusion. (:

another lisa said...

stace-
don't you suspect that your anon commenter @ 2:41 is our beloved prodigal jon? i mean, c'mon... he's already confessed to slacking off when he should be picking up the pace on his many blogs/ bookwriting/ conference speaking/ and, lest we forget, bill-paying advertising gigs. so much more fun to read your sassmouthy goodness.
or another possibility is you have a creepy stalker fan in some penitentiary, scrolling thru archives for stacy flavored sass as he carves a camel into the computer desk. i'm just saying...

bridget said...

I have a very serious question, Stacy. If I took the quiz on SCL and it said I shouldn't get married while at Bible College, can I get married while attending SFLBC? Because I only have another semester and a half to go before I can find a non-BC man and start popping out babies (boys named after minor prophets and girls named after fruits of the spirit).... I'm not sure if I can wait another four years before being allowed to bring little Haggai, Patience and Self Control into the world. This is something I need to know before I put the finishing touches on my application essay.

Richard said...

How can the bride wear white when it shows cleavage?

I feel like this is a real conflict of interest with the whole "purity" thing.

Cool music though. I didn't know they had an entire song about deer.

I have been singing it all day "I like big bucks and you cannot lie. I shoot them all till they die. I cut them up litttle so they can be fried."

Do you have all the lyrics?

I *heart* killin deers.

Stacy from Louisville said...

Robert -
If you're the dude who killed Bambi's mother my kids will come scratch your eyes out.

Seriously, they're like me but with much less restraint.

Stacy from Louisville said...

See how I did that? I'm going to pretend I got your name wrong on purpose. Mind games, Richard, or whatever your name is. You can't out wit me.

Rick the Polonian said...

Bambi: the worst children's movie of all time. Seriously, I would like to go to the dentist to get a tooth pulled with no anestetic before I have to watch that poor excuse for cinema.

Also, I cannot spell anestetic.

Rick the Polonian said...

If we are going to play mind games then I will change my name from richard to rick and further confuse you.


Too late. I'm all over it like something that is all over something else.

Skerrib said...

I know it was tough to see 'cuz the room was dark & all, but that was your wedding, wasn't it Stacy? Don't deny it!

Whitney said...

stacy,

i have just graduated from non-bible college, and it has left me ill-prepared to face the current state of the world... therefore i would like to enroll in SFLBC to further round out my education. if there is any question that my schooling must only be led by you, the master of sarcastic wit and all other things hilarious, see points below:

A) while i have never visited the glorious potato state, i actually own (and have worn several times) an "Idaho? No, Udaho!" shirt. it is purple with hot pink writing.

B) my best friend and i once did a bible study on singleness. this was completely forgotten after our second meeting, when we stumbled across the "water my camels" verse, and for the rest of the summer surprised naive church-camp boys by asking if we could water their camels for them. (eighth grade - i started early).

3) i have not yet met my future husband (non-bible college men are a special breed, not willing to be tamed) but feel as though at SFLBC, sweet baby Jesus would lead me to a man with off-the-charts wit and intelligence (and good looks, of course). what is the male:female ratio? do i have a chance here?

Joanna said...

Where do i enroll?

Anonymous said...

Anon @ 11:35 and 2:41 here.

I'm giddy with excitement...Stacy said "Blessing Your Heart" to me...and yes, I know exactly what that means.

That's as big an honor as when Jon gave my "God Billboard" a shoutout.

Since I busted Stacy's chops for misspelling Lynyrd Skynyrd a few days ago and I've spread a few rays of my sarcastic sunshine on a few other occassions, I'll sign off legitimately.

Later,

Max

P.S. Pleased to meet you. (Implied handshake...I don't think we're to the side hug stage yet.)

Now... how do i get my name to pop up where the "anonymous said" thingie is now?

Later again,

Max

Anonymous said...

Hi Stacy,

While watching the video I used up all my Post It notes.

Andrea said...

If I have already graduated from college, is there a Master's Degree program at SFLBC? Or is it like transferring credits that don't count and you have to start over? Either way I would like to take the course called "If you have been divorced more than twice, you cannot comment on my still being single". I'm thinking there is a waiting list for that one...

DL said...

watering camels......

dang it!

i'm never quick enough to get these cool tags....

samantha said...

Ok so does SFLBC have anything to do with horses... i've been wondering about that horse on your page for a while now.