I need to say that I am very proud of Stacy for her dedication to her blog. We have been married for almost 10 years and she is a very creative person (one of the reasons I married her, she married me because of my 10 key skills) and over the past several years that creativity has been looking for a way to express itself. She loves to write and I am thankful that she has found this outlet and a community that she feels very close to. Being a CPA, I'm actually quite happy spending my day in my office, talking to only myself. As you can imagine this would drive Stacy insane, infact even the thought of how I can enjoy it is sick to her. Even though I don't share her excitement about the comments, it does make me happy to she her light up.
So, with that said, here it goes...
The 5 Things A CPA Never Wants To Hear During Tax Season...
1. Please don't tell me the office lost power
You see, I'm really ok with the majority of the city being without power. People are more worried about McDonalds running out of food and leave me alone. I was even ok with no power at the house, at least until I found out that there was a half eaten carton of Moose Tracks ice cream melting in the freezer! It's tax season, and I spend as much time as I can at the office. We have a fridge, a microwave and a tv (March Madness is right around the corner). It is a small practice and truely is a home away from home for me. But the power out at work, now that sucks. January 31 is a deadline for us, so this is really bad timing. By the way half melted Moose Tracks is better then no Moose Tracks. Melted Moose Tracks, old pizza and a coke, how about that for dinner!
2. When do you think you will have my tax return done (for the 5th time)?
Is there a nice way to say I have no flippin idea and if you ask me again your are going to the bottom of this list! That line is often used with my kids, if you ask me one more time how much longer until we get there, I'm going to turn the car around and go back home! Your right, I've probably said it but never meant it unless we were headed to Chuckie Cheese. It's not even February yet and we probably have about 50 corporate returns sitting in the office right now. So, when Monday comes and everyone gets their W2's that list will be closer to 125 in the next 7-10 days. So, if you have a CPA do your taxes, be nice to them this year. Drop off your stuff, give him a coke and don't ask when they will be done, just smile, say I hope you are having a great day and let me know when they are done. Chances are you just got your taxes moved up the list.
3. So, how have you been....
With all due respect most people just don't understand tax season. There are just three of us in the office and only two who actually sign off on returns. Last year we probably did close to 700 returns. Now not all of those will get done by April 15 but still, I really don't have time to chit chat about your aunt millie who had a colon cleaned out this past summer. I don't care about your kids or where you went on vacation. And when I sound interested about the fact that you got married had a baby or got a new job, I couldn't care less. The only reason I care about that cute new baby that looks like a monkey is the extra deduction you'll get on your tax return. Which by the way you will thank me for as if I'm giving you the extra money. This causes me to laugh at you and call you a freak as soon as you leave the office, because that new tax deduction sure is going to cost you alot more then what you are saving on your taxes. And yes we do make fun of people when the leave the office sometimes, not the most Christian thing to do, so I'll apologize in advance.
4. Well, just use the same amounts as last year or just give me the maximum allowed
Hmmm. I don't know if you realize this but the IRS is really not a bad bunch of people. I often have the honor of calling them and the number I call is special. I typically don't have to wait more then 10 minutes on hold and since I know what I'm talking about they will listen to me. But even though I will tell the IRS some sob story about how pathetic of a client you are (don't forget I'm on your side, so give me a break), they will not be happy when they want proof of a charity deduction and my response is "Oh well that's what they had last year". That's just not how it works. That's like getting pulled over by a cop and he asks Do you know how fast you were going, and you saying well last year I was only going.... In case you have ever wondered, audits are real but not real fun. Seriously I'd rather spend a whole day at the mall then go through an audit. Just be honest on your taxes both your CPA and God, I mean the IRS will be much happier with you.
5. Oh, did I tell you about...
It's April 15 at 4pm, your taxes are signed, all of the copies have been printed, they are in a nice pretty little folder that you will loose or stuff in the back of a drawer, and you walk in the door and say, Oh, did I tell you about.... WELL, @$&! NO YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THA, YOU IDIOT!!!! Once again that is one of those things that is said after you leave the office, but believe me it is screaming in my mind. The misconception is that I sit around the office all day eating Bon Bons and playing Halo 3 with the other people in the office just waiting for you to come in the door. I'd say we make 40% of our money for the year before April 15. So, if you want to be nice to your CPA make sure you give him all the information the first time.
So there you have it, a guest post from the guy married to SFL. And if you have any good tax stories I'd sure love to hear them (Wow, that will make for some fun comments!! I can hardly wait and I'm sure Stacy is about to pee her pants)
Stacy really gets a kick out of everyone that reads and comments on her craziness. She will be back so just hold tight.
Good night and Happy Tax Season!