Thursday, April 30, 2009

God Showed Up

Background info: The radio in my car is predictably broken. Has been for 6 months or so. We are replacing the car very soon we haven't bothered to get it fixed. Occasionally, for whatever reason, the wires connect long enough to play part of a song, but those instances are few and far between.

Today I explained to Sawyer, my 5 year old, that his great grandmother is very, very sick. In as few words as possible I tried to prepare him - if that can be done - for the loss he will face. We were in my car and he was quiet, which was fine with me because I haven't had many words today. Out of his silence a question:

"Mommy, are we going to Indianapolis because GG is going to die?" he asked.

Deep breath.

"No, we're going to see GG because we love her," I said. Tears welled in my eyes, blurring the road in front of me. "But one day soon she will go to be with Jesus. She will be in heaven and she will not be sick any more, not ever. But to get to heaven she will die. I will be very, very sad and I will miss her very much, but I would rather her be with Jesus than here, in pain."

"Will she die because she is old?" he asked.

Tears poured down my cheeks. "No, she will die because God is ready for her to be with Him. That's why we believe in Jesus. This life is not special or important if we don't have Jesus. GG loves Jesus right now and because He loves her, too, He wants to bring her to be with Him forever." The words came easily, but in those few moments I did the whole "white-knuckled, keep the car on the road death grip on the steering wheel" thing, hoping he didn't know I was upset.

I don't have a problem with him seeing me cry. Yet I didn't want my grief to control the situation. It wasn't about sugarcoating pain, it was about simple, direct hope that's available to even him at 5 years old. That is what I wanted him to take away from our talk.

"Sawyer, does that make sense to you?"

Peacefully he said, "Yeah, I think so."

In that moment, just that suddenly, the radio in my car came on. The words and melody rang clear, "How great is our God. Sing with me how great is our God. All will see how great, how great is our God. You're the Name above all name. Your are worthy of all praise. My heart will sing how great is our God..." and do it went.

Just like that, in my crappy, run down car with a radio that seldom works, while talking faith and salvation to my son, God showed up. He showed up big and strong. He showed up and affirmed everything I believe. He affirmed the faith that was handed down to me through my grandma's love for Him. That love lives in me and is being passed on to my son. One life to the next, generation to generation, God showed up.

Of course I'm sad right now, achingly so. But, what rises to the surface is my faith. Circumstance and pain ebb and flow, but He never does.

If we have nothing else, my friends, we have a God who lived for us, died for us, rose again for us....and still takes the time to show up.

I pray He shows up big and strong and undeniable for you today. Thanks for reading.

A Personal Note

My grandmother's health is deteriorating. He pain is constant. She weighs less than 100 pounds. Her esophagus is shutting down. I could elaborate but the point is she's dying. Of course we don't know how long she has but for now she is in misery. We are heading to Indy to be with family. My grief is big right now. I'm at a loss for words. I can't help but think of my kids and how they will handle this loss. They loves their GG very much. They knows she is very sick and will be with Jesus soon, but still the idea of having to walk them through their grief breaks my heart - it's a reality of life I want to protect them from. And my mom - she isn't a believer and has no hope without Christ. This is perhaps the most painful element. Everyone else in our family has placed their faith in Christ except for my mom, and this is her mother that is dying.

I would appreciate any prayers.

I will update you as I can.

Much love in Christ,

Monday, April 27, 2009

Deluxe Hugs $2

When I was in high school I was a part of a clown ministry. (Cue mocking, laughing and pointing, etc.) My clown name was Sassafrass and grease paint was my spiritual gift. But you know how some people have a big heart but absolutely no clue what they're doing? (But enough about my blog...) We had someone like that in our clown troupe (which is kind of like a gang but with far less class). She had this really annoying, high pitched voice, her make-up bordered on horror flicktastic, and she carried a sign that said, "Kisses: $5.00" (Can I be the first to say I don't think it's a good idea to sell physical contact of any kind in the projects of the inner city?) Nevertheless, she followed small children and adults around trying to pawn off her clown love. Ironically she didn't have any takers. So the next day she marked them down to $4, which is a screamin' deal, but was denied. Every day it went like this: selling intimacy at bargain basement close out prices, chasing down potential customers, being loud and terrifying children. Ahhhh, missions. By the end of the week she carried a sign that said, "God's kisses are free!!", which is good to know.

When I saw this clip I had to share my clown tonsil-hockey tail. But the story pales in comparison to what you are about to watch. Before watching, take a trip to the bathroom, spit out your food, and park your kiester. Turn up your speakers and let the insanity begin.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Just Cause I Love Ya...

The perfect gift for that eccentric church secretary who's so hard to shop for. Order yours here.

Now get on out there and enjoy your weekend!

Facebook Friends

I always follow proper Facebook etiquette. Find me as Stacy A. Small and let's be friends today!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Celebrate Earth Day!

Today I encourage you to celebrate Earth Day. In case you're having trouble coming up with ideas you can borrow one of mine. Be sure to leave your suggestions in the comments section.

1. Flush the toilet every 5 minutes.
2. Dispense 70 gallons of gasoline into 2 liter bottles, making sure to top them off until gas sprays out.
3. Throw coal at endangered birds.
4. Make out with a logger.
5. Ask total strangers, "Did you just fart? Your methane emission offends me."
6. Soak canvas bags in oil. Set them on fire while you picket Whole Foods.
7. At Starbucks order a "Styrofoam Latte" with a shot of natural gas.
8. Uproot trees.
9. Open all the windows to your home and set the thermostat to 86 degrees.
10. Take the kids to McDonald's drive through. Throw wrappers out the car windows as you travel to your destination.
11. Detach your muffler.
12. Burn tires instead of candles.
13. Fill recycling bins with glitter.
14. Set washing machine to "extra large load" then do laundry one piece of clothing at a time. Dry them the same way.
15. Give up old rags and use disposable diapers to clean up household messes.
16. Print this post 700 times.
17. Fill plastic grocery bags with car emissions. Hand them out at the park as balloons.
18. Drink 6 packs of soda at the beach. Clean up by throwing plastic connector rings and empty cans off the pier.
19. Help control the pet population. Have your panda spayed or neutered.
20. Let your Hummer idle in the carpool lane.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

April 15 (or, My Tax Guy Is Hotter Than Yours)

There he stood by the door. Light rain was falling, the haloed glow from the porch lamp radiating around his evocatively stuffed man bag. He put his coat on, pulled his keys from his pocket and said, "Please excuse me while I return to the office and make out with my calculator." With that, he was gone, leaving a trail of W2s behind him.

Over the years I've had the fantasy of being being chided by the cruel but mysterious tax man. There he stands, armed with an abacus and mechanical pencil. Ring around the collar, tight leisure pants, marinara stains above his suggestive pocket protector - and me, so naughty and disobedient for not submitting my medical receipts. Pheromones and audit hang heavy in the air. Somebody stop me before I claim a false deduction.
I'm all aflush just thinking about it.

What? You don't think your accountant is hot? Mine is. But he's also my husband. That's right, Dan Small, C.P.A., my very own slice of 10-40 heaven.

But today is the last day he'll be pimping out loop holes to save mankind from Uncle Sam. Today is April 15.

To be clear my husband does not get to stand on a street corner dressed as the statue of liberty and wave down traffic to solicit business. Instead, he works for himself, relying on word of mouth to generate income.

In the last two days he had to tell several clients they owed money to the IRS. One owed $12,500, the other $76,000, which would be fine with me except we don't get a cut on either one. Dang. (If you are either of these clients my most abject apologies and a reminder that Stacy From Louisville links are always free. It's the least I can do.)

Tonight he's taking me out to dinner. (I have a Liberty Tax Service Statue of Liberty hat just for the occasion. Yes, I'm wearing it.) Then, tomorrow, he'll celebrate even further by playing golf at a crappy course (it belongs to a client but it's not a kick back I swear). Then he'll treat himself to a Super Cuts special and just for giggles, properly fold a map and sort my kitchen utensils according to mass. Wheeeee!

You can take the accountant out of the office but you can't take the accountant out of the man.
If you'd like to hear more of his perspective on tax season please click here. Back in January he hijacked my blog and wrote a post. I had no idea he'd done it until my sister called me and asked if I'd checked my blog lately. Quite hysterical even though it is accountant humor. It's the most romantic thing he's done in years.

So, I'd like to dedicate this post to Dan Small, C.P.A. At this very moment I'm giddy with tax season lunacy, honey. You can audit me any time you want.

What's your tax season story? Do you owe this year? Or are you getting money back? We owe $900 to the state of Kentucky... Like my blog doesn't already generate enough notoriety to call it even...

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Easter is Everything

I have a reason to hope that has nothing to do with anything I could ever do or say. The very sin that bores a hole in my soul is soothed and healed by the blood and resurrection of Jesus Christ, Son of God. Many times we rightly say, "It's not about me" but when it comes to His death and resurrection it is about me - and you. He loves you and me to death and back.

On Easter our hope is confirmed. Our fellowship in Him is renewed.

The celebration of heaven extends to mortality a little more because we're more in touch with the reason for the faith we have. Easter is everything.

That we would infuse our fellowship with that same electric joy of the resurrection every day.

I serve a risen Savior He's in the world today
I know that He is living whatever men may say
I see His hand of mercy I hear His voice of cheer
And just the time I need Him He's always near

He lives! He lives!
Christ Jesus lives today!
He walks with me and talks with me
Along life's narrow way
He lives! He lives!
Salvation to impart
You ask me how I know He lives
He lives within my heart

Rejoice, rejoice O Christian lift up your voice and sing
Eternal hallelujahs to Jesus Christ the King!
The hope of all who seek Him,
The help of all who find
None other is so loving so good and kind...

Friday, April 10, 2009

Meet Mr. Peep Poop

As far as pranks and general disgustingness go Easter is pretty tame. However, it is my belief that even the sweetest of holidays can tricked out in ewww. For this simple prank you will only need the following:

(you will also need wax paper and a microwave)

What? What's that you say? How can marshmallowy goodness and miniature cream eggs buy a ticket to Ickville?

Take your Cadburry fondant delectable, place in on the wax paper and microwave it on high for about 7 seconds, until it just begins to melt.

I could explain the rest, but why don't I just show you?

Meet Mr. Peep Poop

It seems our sugary friend has had an accident, and right on my computer desk, too. Poor little chickadee had to go pee-pee, and seeing that he has no wings or legs, he had to make do (or doo doo?).

Mr. Peep Poop puts the panache back in Passover, the Goofy in Good Friday, the Edible in Easter. No matter the date, he puts the "F" in family and fecal matter. Just sit one of these little guys on a guest's chair and when they pull it out - surprise! Or what if he flew inside the mailbox by mistake? Or what if he and 25 of his friends found his way to your neighbor's car windshield? Or just one little guy got left behind...(wait for it)...on your mother-in-law's toilet seat? Silly birdy, he almost made it.

Be sure to let me know how it works for you. Send me a JPG and I'll post it right here. Or do you have your own gross candy gag? Please share. I'm all about sharing.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

I'm In Love And I Don't Care Who Knows It

I'm pretty sure I'm related to these guys in some way. They are fantastical. Please use the bathroom or spit your food out before viewing. I wouldn't want you to mess yourself.

Which one is your favorite?

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

ShamWOW! Song

(Just to accomodate today's token of spectacular I changed my blogger template. Tell me, who else loves you like I do??)

If Billy Mays sold poop in a bag I'd probably buy it. Not that I need more poop in a bag, it's just that I can't resist a man who thinks every sentence is worth a shout and an exclamation point!!! But then I met Vince from ShamWOW. Within moments I kicked Billy's hairy faced, raspy holler to the curb.

Something spectacular happens at 2:19 so make sure to catch it. You know the Germans always make good stuff. SIGN. ME. UP.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Ways To Make People Think You're Crazy

1. In the middle of a conversation, throw up your hands and yell, "STOP! Hammer Time!" Then do the typewriter.

2. Suck on yellow and green gummy bears until they're good and slimy. Make hacking noises in an elevator, then spit them into your hand. Show them to the person next to you and ask for a hanky.

3. Trade out grape juice for hard liquor at communion.

4. Hook up the worship leader's mic to a clapper.

5. Before meeting anyone new pop an alka-seltzer tablet into your mouth. Carry on normal conversation.

6. Forward spam as an attachment with a note saying, "This is awesome."

7. Regularly discuss your bowel habits.

8. Whenever anyone asks you what time it is, subtract 15 minutes from the true time.

9. Ask your neighbors if they'd be interested in becoming blood brothers.

10. Play tag in Wal-Mart. Fitting room lady is home base.

11. Put invisible fence collars on toddlers in the church nursery.

12. In the drive thru make sure to indicate that your order is "to go".

13. When people share prayer requests say, "Your life is a train wreck."

14. Don't plant flowers. Put empty soda cans on sticks and cluster them around your yard. Water them while neighbors do yard work.

15. Tell kids that Disney World burned down and the ice cream truck only plays music when they're out of ice cream.

16. Sing "Wake Me Up Before You G0-Go" when using public restrooms.

17. Attach large signs to drinking fountains that declare, "FREE WATER TODAY!!!"

18. Sign up to be an usher at church then stand at the end of every pew and ask, "May I see every one's ticket please?"

What would you add to the list? Is there anything I've forgotten? Please share.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Caption This Pic

What Dat Smell?
A love song by George Michael
Leather jacket? Check

Cross earring? Check

Retro Miami Vice beard? Check

Nip coverage for delicate sensibilities? Check.

Deodorant? Dang. Seriously.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

My father in law just said I am full of crap. Can you imagine?
Katdish is pregnant! Congratulations girl!