1. In the middle of a conversation, throw up your hands and yell, "STOP! Hammer Time!" Then do the typewriter.
2. Suck on yellow and green gummy bears until they're good and slimy. Make hacking noises in an elevator, then spit them into your hand. Show them to the person next to you and ask for a hanky.
3. Trade out grape juice for hard liquor at communion.
4. Hook up the worship leader's mic to a clapper.
5. Before meeting anyone new pop an alka-seltzer tablet into your mouth. Carry on normal conversation.
6. Forward spam as an attachment with a note saying, "This is awesome."
7. Regularly discuss your bowel habits.
8. Whenever anyone asks you what time it is, subtract 15 minutes from the true time.
9. Ask your neighbors if they'd be interested in becoming blood brothers.
10. Play tag in Wal-Mart. Fitting room lady is home base.
11. Put invisible fence collars on toddlers in the church nursery.
12. In the drive thru make sure to indicate that your order is "to go".
13. When people share prayer requests say, "Your life is a train wreck."
14. Don't plant flowers. Put empty soda cans on sticks and cluster them around your yard. Water them while neighbors do yard work.
15. Tell kids that Disney World burned down and the ice cream truck only plays music when they're out of ice cream.
16. Sing "Wake Me Up Before You G0-Go" when using public restrooms.
17. Attach large signs to drinking fountains that declare, "FREE WATER TODAY!!!"
18. Sign up to be an usher at church then stand at the end of every pew and ask, "May I see every one's ticket please?"
What would you add to the list? Is there anything I've forgotten? Please share.
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