Rewriting Song Lyrics for Ministry - My Spiritual Gift

If you log on to eBay you can purchase a WHAM! CD for five cents plus $6 shipping. I'm here to say that's a crying shame! For a solid 3 weeks in the 80s women around the world fell in love with George Michael, the golden locked hottie from across The Pond. I distinctly remember wearing my Coca-Cola shirt and my fluorescent pink headband, wondering if George would ever want to marry me. As it turned out that wasn't exactly in the cards. Not only did I end up going to Bible College, which meant I couldn't jitterbug anywhere on campus and still legally be a Christian, but George had plans of his own, too. In a perfect world we would have shared mousse from here to eternity. But we live in a fallen world. WHAM! love couldn't last forever. It died leaving a string of catastrophes in its wake. Like a Careless Whisper, George "came out", cut off the blond locks, and the world embraced Michael Bolton. George and Elton John set sail for castle yonder, taking the Boom-Boom right out of my heart. To this day I can't listen to Michael Bolten and not feel cheated. (Darn you, Michael and your naked chested, middle aged, When-A-Man-Loves-A-Woman chortling! Take your spray tan, your reverse mullet, and your I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-Butter ballads back where you came from. GET OFF MY BLOG!!!!!)

Regroup. Check hairstyle. Breathe in....whew....

It seems I have a strange kind of gifting when it comes to music. I'm here to tell you that I can take any song from the 80s or 90s, give it a churchy theme, and rewrite the words into something completely ludicrous. As of late I have come to embrace the fact that in keeping this gifting to myself I am cheating all of Christianity out of the super shiny spoofy awesomeness that's wrapped in flesh and named "Stacy". Well, that is a burden I can no longer bare. The responsibility is immense, as I'm sure you can imagine.

Here's the spoof I came up with today and posted on Stuff Christians Like. It's a bit tweaked from the original post, so if you read it before now, I sprinkled in a handful of fresh to keep things exciting. The topic was "Wicked Awesome Mission Trip Interpretive Dance Songs". Check it out:

Song: Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go, WHAM! circa 1984

To pull this off with stellar salvation success you will need the following:

1) One slightly awkward teenager with jazz hands stands in the middle of the Haitian village. He's wearing a shirt that says, "Boom Boom" in Haitian.

2) Really Hot Youth Group Chick stands next to him wearing a large, uncomfortable red cardboard heart. She smiles. (But only because Captain Hottie Youth Group Dude might want to make out with her after evening devotions.)

3) 10 teenagers scattered around the stage holding yo-yos that say "Jitterbug for Jesus", again in Haitian.

4) A boom box. Granted, no one says "boom box" anymore, but this is a mission trip. If you can wear a fanny pack and fool yourself into thinking it's cool you can do just about anything.

5) Around 6.3 Haitians who presumably love WHAM! (Because who in Haiti doesn't love WHAM!?? Duh.)

Read the revised song lyrics, infer hyper-spastic salvation dancing and let the missions flow....

You put the boom-boom into my heart
You send my soul sky high when your lovin' starts
Jitterbug into my brain
Goes a bang-bang-bang 'til my feet do the same
But something's bugging you
Something ain't right
My best friend told me you weren't in church last night
Left me prayin' in my bed
I was dreaming, but I should have gone forward instead.

Wake me up before you go-go
Don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo
Wake me up before you go-go
I don't want to miss it when you accept Christ
Wake me up before you go-go
'Cause I'm not plannin' on going solo
Wake me up before you go-go
Take me praising tonight
I lift my hands so high (yeah, yeah)

You take the grey skies out of my way
You make the sun shine brighter than Resurrection Day
Turned a bright spark into a flame
My love for God has never been the same

'Cause you're my Jesus, I'm a sinnin' fool
It makes me crazy when you preach old school
Come on, Christians, let's not fight
We'll go pot-luckin', everything will be all right

End SCL comment.

So there you have it, a prime example of putting my gifts to good use.

Before I had this ground breaking blog, I was a drama director for a church in Arizona. I literally taught 3 whole people how to act, so I'm obviously at the top of my game.

What song would you like to see me work rework? Suggest it here. While I rewrite the lyrics you can dust off the overflow seating and fill up the baptistery. Trust me. People are going to flock.

When I rework the song, I'll dedicate the entire post to you. Wow, all this an infamy too. Is today your lucky day or what?