Monday, August 11, 2008

Yo Mama Is...

I do not know your mother. I have not met her but I'm sure she is delightful. I'm sure she is thin, quite beautiful, smart as Oprah and then some, and smells like springtime. If I met your mother I'm sure it would be like skipping through wildflowers, sunlight showering over me while singing "How Great Is Your Mom"(sing with me, how great is your mom...). Yes, it would be just that spectacular.

And I'm sure you feel the same way about my mother. I'll thank you on her behalf. Imagine yummy chicken and dumplings, scrapbooking, and too many knick-knacks rolled into one stylin' heap of hugfest. That's the ray of light I call "Mom". (If anyone ever tells her I described her that way, you're dead.)

So now we're even. We've got nothin' but love for our mothers. Good. Let's move on...

I LOVE "Yo MAMA" JOKES! They're ridiculous and sarcastic and therefore I heart them. It's kind of a giddy little secret that I keep these jokes hidden away so I can have "Yo Mama" wars with friends. When you meet me in heaven I'll still be trading yo mama jokes - but not with Jesus. His mom is off limits for obvious reasons.

I'm always looking for more "yo mama" jokes to add to my arsenal. That's right, I like to keep my guns locked & loaded.

So what I'd like to suggest is that today we have a "Yo Mama" smack down. I'll share my favorite yo mama jokes if you share yours. The ones marked * are the ones I came up with on my own. Extra points if you come up with your own, too. Let's keep it clean.

On my mark....

Get set.....


Yo mama is so ugly yo daddy had to tie a pork chop around her neck to get the dog to come to her.

Yo mama is so fat she had to be baptized at Sea World.

Yo mama is so smelly she uses Lysol as deodorant.*

Yo mama is so dumb she signs her comments "Anonymous".*

Yo mama is so greasy you could fry chicken in her armpits.*

Yo mama is so fat she thinks gravy is a beverage.*

Yo mama is so fat she thinks dunkin' donuts is a new water park.*

Yo mama is so dumb she thinks The Food Network delivers.*

Yo mama is so slow it takes her 2 hours to watch "60 Minutes".

That's all I've got. What about you? Don't you have a favorite? This could make history. Let's set the bar high, for posterity's sake. Leave your comment here. Yo mama would want you to.


Christy said...

Yo mama so short she poses for trophies!

Anonymous said...

Yo momma is so fat she has smaller fat people orbiting around her!

Princess Bride said...

I'm a homeschool mom, so I feel I must leave a homeshool themed "Yo Mama" today:

"Yo mama so dumb she paid someone else's mama to homeschool you!"

That's all I've got.

daphne said...

yo mama is so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper

yo mama is so old when she lifted her breast to wash, a pilgram fell out

Stace, can I call you Stace? Do not call me Daph. Ever. Ok, so Stace, there was a yo mama war on the recent last comic standing. Check it out. I am such a pirate. ARR!

daphne said...

my husband liked this one (because we are Christians and all!)
yo mama is so old, she saw Passion of the Christ live

teachmom said...

I've got nothing, but those are funny! :D

eireann said...

my fav:

yo momma so fat when she jumped up in the, she got stuck.

l.o.v.e. yo momma jokes!

eireann said...

oops, that ought to be:

yo momma so fat that when she jumped up in the AIR, she got stuck.

Anonymous said...

Yo mama so fat when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND THE HOUSE.

Yo mama so old she got a autographed copy of the Bible.

Anonymous said...

yo mama is so fat that when she sits on the rainbow skittles fall out.

ok thats lame, but we used it in elementary school and I don't think I've heard a yo mama joke since!!

Christian said...

Yo mama is so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger popped out of George Washington's nose.

Yo mama is so dumb she thought menopause was a button on her stereo.

Yo mama is so fat that she fell in the Grand Canyon and got stuck.

Yo mama is so fat that when she wears high heels she strikes oil.

Yo mama is so fat that her stilettos become ballerina flats.

Yo mama is so fat that when she gets a cut, gravy pours out.

That's all I got for now.

Dog snob said...

The only one I can think of is..

Yo mama is so broke, she couldn't afford to pay attention.

Yeah, it's an old one...

Anonymous said...

"Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she could butter a whole loaf of bread"

Yo mama's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a package of hotdogs"


Stacy from Louisville said...

I heart BK

i'd rather be in wisconsin... said...

Yo mama is so dumb she tried to put M&Ms in alphabetical order.

That's all I've got.

Anonymous said...

It's an old one but...

Yo mama's so dumb that she got hit by a parked car.

Andy not Stanley said...

Yo mama so fat the elevator says capacity 18 or yo mama.

Yo mama so poor she went to McDonald's and tried to put a milkshake on layaway.

Yo mama so fat she rides a moped, but nobody can hear it.

(From the 90s) Yo mama so fat when she wore a Malcolm X shirt a helicopter landed on her.

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