Thursday, August 28, 2008

Rewriting Song Lyrics for Ministry - My Spiritual Gift

If you log on to eBay you can purchase a WHAM! CD for five cents plus $6 shipping. I'm here to say that's a crying shame! For a solid 3 weeks in the 80s women around the world fell in love with George Michael, the golden locked hottie from across The Pond. I distinctly remember wearing my Coca-Cola shirt and my fluorescent pink headband, wondering if George would ever want to marry me. As it turned out that wasn't exactly in the cards. Not only did I end up going to Bible College, which meant I couldn't jitterbug anywhere on campus and still legally be a Christian, but George had plans of his own, too. In a perfect world we would have shared mousse from here to eternity. But we live in a fallen world. WHAM! love couldn't last forever. It died leaving a string of catastrophes in its wake. Like a Careless Whisper, George "came out", cut off the blond locks, and the world embraced Michael Bolton. George and Elton John set sail for castle yonder, taking the Boom-Boom right out of my heart. To this day I can't listen to Michael Bolten and not feel cheated. (Darn you, Michael and your naked chested, middle aged, When-A-Man-Loves-A-Woman chortling! Take your spray tan, your reverse mullet, and your I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-Butter ballads back where you came from. GET OFF MY BLOG!!!!!)

Regroup. Check hairstyle. Breathe in....whew....

It seems I have a strange kind of gifting when it comes to music. I'm here to tell you that I can take any song from the 80s or 90s, give it a churchy theme, and rewrite the words into something completely ludicrous. As of late I have come to embrace the fact that in keeping this gifting to myself I am cheating all of Christianity out of the super shiny spoofy awesomeness that's wrapped in flesh and named "Stacy". Well, that is a burden I can no longer bare. The responsibility is immense, as I'm sure you can imagine.

Here's the spoof I came up with today and posted on Stuff Christians Like. It's a bit tweaked from the original post, so if you read it before now, I sprinkled in a handful of fresh to keep things exciting. The topic was "Wicked Awesome Mission Trip Interpretive Dance Songs". Check it out:

Song: Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go, WHAM! circa 1984

To pull this off with stellar salvation success you will need the following:

1) One slightly awkward teenager with jazz hands stands in the middle of the Haitian village. He's wearing a shirt that says, "Boom Boom" in Haitian.

2) Really Hot Youth Group Chick stands next to him wearing a large, uncomfortable red cardboard heart. She smiles. (But only because Captain Hottie Youth Group Dude might want to make out with her after evening devotions.)

3) 10 teenagers scattered around the stage holding yo-yos that say "Jitterbug for Jesus", again in Haitian.

4) A boom box. Granted, no one says "boom box" anymore, but this is a mission trip. If you can wear a fanny pack and fool yourself into thinking it's cool you can do just about anything.

5) Around 6.3 Haitians who presumably love WHAM! (Because who in Haiti doesn't love WHAM!?? Duh.)

Read the revised song lyrics, infer hyper-spastic salvation dancing and let the missions flow....

You put the boom-boom into my heart
You send my soul sky high when your lovin' starts
Jitterbug into my brain
Goes a bang-bang-bang 'til my feet do the same
But something's bugging you
Something ain't right
My best friend told me you weren't in church last night
Left me prayin' in my bed
I was dreaming, but I should have gone forward instead.

Wake me up before you go-go
Don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo
Wake me up before you go-go
I don't want to miss it when you accept Christ
Wake me up before you go-go
'Cause I'm not plannin' on going solo
Wake me up before you go-go
Take me praising tonight
I lift my hands so high (yeah, yeah)

You take the grey skies out of my way
You make the sun shine brighter than Resurrection Day
Turned a bright spark into a flame
My love for God has never been the same

'Cause you're my Jesus, I'm a sinnin' fool
It makes me crazy when you preach old school
Come on, Christians, let's not fight
We'll go pot-luckin', everything will be all right

End SCL comment.

So there you have it, a prime example of putting my gifts to good use.

Before I had this ground breaking blog, I was a drama director for a church in Arizona. I literally taught 3 whole people how to act, so I'm obviously at the top of my game.

What song would you like to see me work rework? Suggest it here. While I rewrite the lyrics you can dust off the overflow seating and fill up the baptistery. Trust me. People are going to flock.

When I rework the song, I'll dedicate the entire post to you. Wow, all this an infamy too. Is today your lucky day or what?


Christy said...

Pretty good, pretty good! Of course now I will have to hate you today b/c that song will be stuck in my head, but other than that - good job! As far as the next song for you to work with, how 'bout "Sunglasses at Night" by Corey Hart. I be lovin' me some Corey. Of course he's probably OUT THERE w/ the rest of 'em. Oh well. I still have the memories.

Helen said...

Stray Cat Strut.
My mama still gets a jolt when I belt out "I don't bother chasing mice around... I slick down the alley looking for a fight...

Do you think that song can be reworked. I still belt it out every time I hear it. And my mom still says "oh my gosh, we have mice?"

Anonymous said...

I love it! Great Job Stacy!

I am the same way, rewriting songs in my brain and dnace to them all day. Of course I always start with "I write the songs that make the young girls cry' then evolve into others.

Christy, I would have sung that song all day as well until Helen mentioned Stray Cat Strut, a song that is overflowing with sticky glue goodness)

(I'm flat broke but I don't care
I strut right by with my tail in the air)

Shaybplus3 said...

Stacy I must say that I enjoy you so very much I can't see straight.... I too was a WHAM fan (those don't believe I could know who WHAM is my momma turned me on to them) I enjoy the spoofness (awesome word) that is you.
So know that I have buttered you up good...I would love you to rework the Elton John song... "Laughin like children, livin like lover, rollin like thunder under the covers...." okay I am done now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Anonymous said...

In honor of NKOTB getting back together I think you should rework on of their songs.
It could be magical. :-)

Dog snob said...

Oh, I like the NKOTB about "The Right Stuff" or "Please Don't Go Girl" ?

eastern ky pastor said...

Two iconic songs of the day need to be Christianized. Jump - easily could be talking about jump into salvation or be a rapture song?

Eye of the Tiger - just screams to be missionized

mj said...

anyone care to "wang chung tonight"????

If not, there's always the conga. You know you can't control yourself any longer...

My youth group re-wrote 'Johnny be good'. To 'johnny bap-tist', of course. Good times.

Donna said...

"Hot Child in the City.....young and wild and looking pretty....."

"fill my eyes with that Double Vision"

oh wait....are those 80s?

Am i too old for this?

Stacy from Louisville said...

What if everybody really does wang-chung tonight? Who's gonna clean up that mess? I'm just saying...

Anonymous said...

From JoSista

My thoughts:

Guns-N-Roses: Sweet Child of Mine
Now and then when I see her face it takes me away to that special place where if I stay too long I finally break down and cry -oh, oh, oh, christian breakup of mine

Def Leopard: Pour Some Sugar on Me
Pour some Jesus on me
Ooh, in the name of love
Pour some Spirit on me
C'mon fire me up
Pour your Lord on me
Oh, I can't get enough

I'm saved, holy, sweet
From my head to my feet Yeah!

Listen! red light, yellow light, green-a-light go!
Crazy Jesus woman in a one man show
I'm saved, holy, sweet
From my head, to my feet Yeah!

Give me more! Pick ME!

Stacy from Louisville said...

Woah, Jo. Were we seperated at birth?

Andi said...

Here's an ultimate challenge for you. I dare you to do Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire"

Joanna said...

thats awesome! Have you heard of apologetix? They are a christian band that specializes in parodies of mainstream songs. i think you'd enjoy them. their website is

P.S Thanks for your comment on my blog a few days ago. Totally made my day!

teamstrand said...

dear stacy,
Can I be your best friend? I am serious. It's funny, because sometimes my hubby has to travel from ND to Louisville, and I always say..."That's where Stacy lives" and he makes this face like, "yeah, get a life."

Anyway, How about Girl You Know It's True" performed by Milli Vinilli. I say performed, because of that whole scandal.Man, that was sad.

Jason Elkins said...


Funny stuff. I was a fan of Wham for a second as well, but hey, Van Halen had a new album out so there you go!

What about REM's "It's The End of the World as we Know it". Or, is that too challenging for you??? Can you hear the readers saying "Oooohhhh, no he DIDN'T". But, yes, yes I did! There's LOTS of lines in there, and it would be great to get your take on that! Gauntlet dropped!

Love your writing!

Lady Arbonne said...

I'd like to see you get back to your abstinence education days with a creative interpretation of "I'm Bringing Sexy Back"-Justin Timberlake. I know there's got to be a deep spiritual meaning behind this song. If you can do this, I'll let 'teamstrand' take you as a bff.

Neyhart said...

DC Talk already covered "It's the end of the world as we know it" - they didn't rewrite it, but it's on their live Jesus Freak album. Yes, I know too much about DC Talk - it stand for "Decent Christian Talk" - anyway, my original comment was simply going to say that I don't know the song you re-wrote so I'm going to need to hear an audio clip of you singing it :)

And a request for one that I do know - "Whip it, into shape... Whip it, whip it good." And the only reason I know that one is because it was in the movie "Raising Helen" - see I was born in 83... so you know... :)

Neyhart said...

okay, i just read Lady Arbonne's comment and couldn't stop laughing: "I'd like to see you get back to your abstinence education days with a creative interpretation of "I'm Bringing Sexy Back"-Justin Timberlake."

PLEASE do this!!!!

teachmom said...

Teehee, that's great Stacy! Keep ém coming! I love a good parody!

Joanna, thanks for the info about Apologetix! Teehee, I am enjoying them on Rhapsody!

teamstrand said...

how about Paula Abdul's Opposites Attract?

teamstrand said...

lady arboone and neyhart,

please refer to SCL -

enjoy seeing "serving" brought back

Stacy from Louisville said...

Shoot me an e-mail and we can talk! Would like to chit chat.

JennyM said...

Hey, hello? Umm, I appreciate all the ATTEMPTS here of getting Stacy to pop a hip and...(oh. Did I just write that? Barf.)
Umm, *HURT herself* in a vain attempt at Christianizing a rock or pop song. But I remove , wave and then toss the gauntlets with the ultimate 90's rock ballad. Ladies and gentleman, I give you...."I love you, you love me, we're a hap-py fam-ah-leee" .

I need a bucket.

JennyM said...

"I would do anything for love, but I won't do that".
Sung originally by Mr Marvin Lee Adair.
Slaughtered by that French Canadian Celine (pound my clavicle in angst) Dion.

Beth said...

First, I love your blog. I have to remind myself to make sure I don't have any food or drink in my mouth before I read it.

Second, how about "Man in Motion" by John Parr? Something about that song just makes me turn up the radio and sing along (to whatever words I know) as loud as I can while bopping in my seat.

Good times.

Misslisslee said...

Frankie says RELAX, don't do it! That's an abstinence-themed song just asking to be written!

LRHG said...

Well since EVERYONE knows that U2 is a CCM band in disguise, I'd vote for something by Styx, in part because the band's name would really throw folks off.

Try "Don't Let It End"'s scary how few changes have to be made.

shadypickles said...

I think you have all missed the mark with your song suggestions. While I appreciate all of them, I feel that the greatest and most talented of all time need to be at the top of the list. That having been said, the group possessing the ultimate in pinache........the pinnacle of talent.........the extreme visionaries...........I give you........Taco. Enough said.