Recently several of you have sent me videos or blog topics that are hysterical. Keep 'em coming. I love to hear what you think is funny, compelling, thought provoking, and sass worthy. In essence I'm looking for blog fodder. Any topics you'd like to see me address? I love Christian and church related topics. But I also like real life issues, too. So think about it and leave me a comment....
You guys are awesome!
Monday, January 12, 2009
The Boxer Briefs: Three True Stories About Underwear
The Most Hideous Thing My Mom Almost Said
Sometimes I choose to lie to myself because the truth is too much for me to handle. This is especially true when it comes to my parents. For years I was satisfied with the notion that my parents were in a platonic relationship. I was okay with assuming my sister and I just somehow materialized from thin air into our parents' home. Essentially, I reasoned, they had no reason to even hug other than for an occasional family photo. So imagine my shock when one day I was walking through the mall with my mother. We passed Victoria's Secret and in disgust I said to my mom, "I think thong underwear is so tacky." My mom shrugged and said, "Oh, I don't mind it. I just bought some for your father. He wears them to bed at night." As vomit shot up my esophagus like a broken sprinkler head I yelled, "SICK! OH! SICK! Mom, shut up!" She looked at me like I was crazy, "What? What's wrong?" With my gag reflex fully engaged I managed to choke out, "DAD? You bought THONG underwear for Dad?!" Horrified, my mother said, "LONG underwear! I bought LONG underwear for your father!" Our eyes locked, assessing the weight of the misunderstanding. Though I can't prove it I think I heard her gag a little, too. Somehow that made me feel even better.
Dan Meets My Parents
A few years later I was dating Dan, who is now the lucky, lucky man I call my husband. He was meeting my parents for the first time. He was staying in the guest room in our basement. We were talking about our folks and embarrassing moments. I told him about an incident that happened when I was about 7 years old. My sister and I had been at our grandmother's home that evening until very late. When my sister and I walked in the door of our house there was a Polaroid photo on the banister. I picked it up and looked. It was a photo of my mother. She looked very pretty....posed by the stairs....wearing something black, lacy and slightly see through. My dad whipped that photo from my had so quick I nearly fell off the stairs. I relayed to Dan that all that registered with me at the time was that my mom looked pretty, but now, 14 years later I had a better understanding of....well, you know. Anyway, the next day Dan and I were going through some books in my folk's basement. We flipped through them until Dan said, "Remember that story you told me about the Polaroid?" I nodded. "Did it look anything like this?" he asked, pulling a photo of my mom from the back of an old book. OH MY GOSH! THERE SHE WAS! Scantly clad with big 80s hair and some seductive look in her eyes. AND MY BOYFRIEND FOUND IT!!!! Puke! Gross! But hysterical. We were set to leave that day and my parents were not home. So, I took the picture and gingerly carried it to the master bathroom. I taped it in the center of the mirror. Then I took lipstick and wrote on the mirror, in my best script, "Peek-A-Boo! Is this YOU?" When I returned to college that day there was a message on my machine. It was my mom. She said, "If you two ever get married I'm giving you this picture as a gift." (This June we will celebrate our 10th anniversary. Without the Polaroid.)
Stacy Meets Dan's Parents
Dan's folks live in Florida. Though I had meet them before I had never been at their home. So, during my junior year of college Dan invites me to spend a 3 day weekend with him at his parent's home. I really liked Dan so I was on my best behavior around his folks. Sure they knew I had a sense of humor. But we all know, a sense of humor is one thing, insanity is quite another. So, Dan, his mom and I were at one end of the house. I needed to go to the bathroom but it was occupied. Dan's mom said, "Use the master bath. Knock before you go in our room because Dan's dad is changing." So I proceeded to walk the length of the house to the master bedroom. I knocked on the door. "Come on in!" said the voice from behind the door. So I opened the door....quickly drew in my breath....and made eye contact with Dan's dad....standing across the room in nothing but his briefs. After I threw my hands up to cover my eyes I froze. And started laughing. I didn't even turn around and leave, I didn't know what to do. "I just...(laughing)...I have to....(laughing)....your wife said to knock....(laughing)....I REALLY HAVE TO PEE!" He was laughing too, "Well then go ahead!" I was totally embarrassed and feeling really awkward. I shut and locked the bathroom door. But there was something else they forgot to tell me: the door lock catches so don't lock it or they'd have to take the door off the hinges. Which is exactly what they did after hearing me knock on the door and yell for help from the opposite side of the house.
So now you know more about me than you ever wanted to. And then some.
Last week, between facebook and this site we managed to come up with 50 comments about vomit. Surely we can do just as well if not better on the topic of underwear. So what about you? Got an underwear story you're dying to share? Then by all means, please do.
Sometimes I choose to lie to myself because the truth is too much for me to handle. This is especially true when it comes to my parents. For years I was satisfied with the notion that my parents were in a platonic relationship. I was okay with assuming my sister and I just somehow materialized from thin air into our parents' home. Essentially, I reasoned, they had no reason to even hug other than for an occasional family photo. So imagine my shock when one day I was walking through the mall with my mother. We passed Victoria's Secret and in disgust I said to my mom, "I think thong underwear is so tacky." My mom shrugged and said, "Oh, I don't mind it. I just bought some for your father. He wears them to bed at night." As vomit shot up my esophagus like a broken sprinkler head I yelled, "SICK! OH! SICK! Mom, shut up!" She looked at me like I was crazy, "What? What's wrong?" With my gag reflex fully engaged I managed to choke out, "DAD? You bought THONG underwear for Dad?!" Horrified, my mother said, "LONG underwear! I bought LONG underwear for your father!" Our eyes locked, assessing the weight of the misunderstanding. Though I can't prove it I think I heard her gag a little, too. Somehow that made me feel even better.
Dan Meets My Parents
A few years later I was dating Dan, who is now the lucky, lucky man I call my husband. He was meeting my parents for the first time. He was staying in the guest room in our basement. We were talking about our folks and embarrassing moments. I told him about an incident that happened when I was about 7 years old. My sister and I had been at our grandmother's home that evening until very late. When my sister and I walked in the door of our house there was a Polaroid photo on the banister. I picked it up and looked. It was a photo of my mother. She looked very pretty....posed by the stairs....wearing something black, lacy and slightly see through. My dad whipped that photo from my had so quick I nearly fell off the stairs. I relayed to Dan that all that registered with me at the time was that my mom looked pretty, but now, 14 years later I had a better understanding of....well, you know. Anyway, the next day Dan and I were going through some books in my folk's basement. We flipped through them until Dan said, "Remember that story you told me about the Polaroid?" I nodded. "Did it look anything like this?" he asked, pulling a photo of my mom from the back of an old book. OH MY GOSH! THERE SHE WAS! Scantly clad with big 80s hair and some seductive look in her eyes. AND MY BOYFRIEND FOUND IT!!!! Puke! Gross! But hysterical. We were set to leave that day and my parents were not home. So, I took the picture and gingerly carried it to the master bathroom. I taped it in the center of the mirror. Then I took lipstick and wrote on the mirror, in my best script, "Peek-A-Boo! Is this YOU?" When I returned to college that day there was a message on my machine. It was my mom. She said, "If you two ever get married I'm giving you this picture as a gift." (This June we will celebrate our 10th anniversary. Without the Polaroid.)
Stacy Meets Dan's Parents
Dan's folks live in Florida. Though I had meet them before I had never been at their home. So, during my junior year of college Dan invites me to spend a 3 day weekend with him at his parent's home. I really liked Dan so I was on my best behavior around his folks. Sure they knew I had a sense of humor. But we all know, a sense of humor is one thing, insanity is quite another. So, Dan, his mom and I were at one end of the house. I needed to go to the bathroom but it was occupied. Dan's mom said, "Use the master bath. Knock before you go in our room because Dan's dad is changing." So I proceeded to walk the length of the house to the master bedroom. I knocked on the door. "Come on in!" said the voice from behind the door. So I opened the door....quickly drew in my breath....and made eye contact with Dan's dad....standing across the room in nothing but his briefs. After I threw my hands up to cover my eyes I froze. And started laughing. I didn't even turn around and leave, I didn't know what to do. "I just...(laughing)...I have to....(laughing)....your wife said to knock....(laughing)....I REALLY HAVE TO PEE!" He was laughing too, "Well then go ahead!" I was totally embarrassed and feeling really awkward. I shut and locked the bathroom door. But there was something else they forgot to tell me: the door lock catches so don't lock it or they'd have to take the door off the hinges. Which is exactly what they did after hearing me knock on the door and yell for help from the opposite side of the house.
So now you know more about me than you ever wanted to. And then some.
Last week, between facebook and this site we managed to come up with 50 comments about vomit. Surely we can do just as well if not better on the topic of underwear. So what about you? Got an underwear story you're dying to share? Then by all means, please do.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Grieving Mark Lamberth
Today, January 8, Mark Lamberth has gone home to be with the Lord. He leaves behind his young wife Angie, and their son, Nolan.
It seems foreign to feel tears slip from my eyes as I write to you. So often it's quite the opposite. But I'm grieving with a family I love even though I may never meet them until eternity.
Even stranger would be the contradiction that I am smiling as I cry. Heaven is our hope in Christ. Today Mark's hope is fulfilled and that's why I can do this crazy cry and smile thing. Our faith is a paradox, isn't it?
As a wife and mother I cannot fathom Angie and Nolan's pain. Angie has said she already feels so lonely. Some might say, "All we can do is pray." But, friends, that strips the Lord of His power. We get to pray, and in that we get to experience Him and commune with Him as we lift up this precious family.
Have you ever wondered why we don't receive our heavenly reward upon our death? Why we have to wait until Christ returns? It's because of the ripple effect. Every time we move and speak and act as Jesus did that blessing goes on and on and on. The full measure of it can't be weighed until earthly time ends and we reign with him. In essence, the goodness of Christ outlives our earthly bodies, a domino effect of heaped blessing on others.
From all I've read Mark really loved the Lord. So it is only fitting that this post has nothing to do with me; it's all about the legacy of faith that out lives Mark. Visit their blog to see how people all over the world are being moved by this story. And if you offer up a prayer on behalf of this family that ripple has washed over you, too.
For Angie...
It seems foreign to feel tears slip from my eyes as I write to you. So often it's quite the opposite. But I'm grieving with a family I love even though I may never meet them until eternity.
Even stranger would be the contradiction that I am smiling as I cry. Heaven is our hope in Christ. Today Mark's hope is fulfilled and that's why I can do this crazy cry and smile thing. Our faith is a paradox, isn't it?
As a wife and mother I cannot fathom Angie and Nolan's pain. Angie has said she already feels so lonely. Some might say, "All we can do is pray." But, friends, that strips the Lord of His power. We get to pray, and in that we get to experience Him and commune with Him as we lift up this precious family.
Have you ever wondered why we don't receive our heavenly reward upon our death? Why we have to wait until Christ returns? It's because of the ripple effect. Every time we move and speak and act as Jesus did that blessing goes on and on and on. The full measure of it can't be weighed until earthly time ends and we reign with him. In essence, the goodness of Christ outlives our earthly bodies, a domino effect of heaped blessing on others.
From all I've read Mark really loved the Lord. So it is only fitting that this post has nothing to do with me; it's all about the legacy of faith that out lives Mark. Visit their blog to see how people all over the world are being moved by this story. And if you offer up a prayer on behalf of this family that ripple has washed over you, too.
For Angie...
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
The Invisible Rope
My son has the flu. For the last 24 hours I have nicknamed him "Sir Chucks-a-lot". He doesn't seem to mind. In spite of this I managed to make a lovely dinner for the family. AND! I even mustered the strength to pack leftovers into a suitable lunch for Dan. In a pink Hello Kitty plastic container. I wish I could say that's all we had available but I'd be lying. Speaking of lying...I was, in fact, lying last night when I pretended not to hear my daughter come scrambling into the room at 1 a.m. yelling, "I hear throw ups!" After all she did tell Dan so who am I to interrupt their daddy-daughter time?
Folks, I just don't do puke. Or blood. Or make lunches in appropriate containers for CPAs who may or may not have a working lunch meeting today. What can I say? I have a blog to manage. That's enough pressure for anyone.
Yes, I realize there are other blogs out there you could be visiting right now. Some debate political policy. Others call for an end to suffering. Still others spur us on to greatness. But at SFL I'll settle for bribing any one of you to watch my kids so I can have a cigarette break. Not that I smoke, because I don't. But if it means you'll leave a funny comment on my blog I might purchase some Virginia Slims in your honor.
In the meantime, watch this. It's the kind of stuff I live for. Enjoy!
And if you haven't done so already, come join me on Facebook. (Stacy A. Small)
Read the comments! Dan responded! Start with "bman" then read through the rest of the comments until you reach my response to Dan.
Monday, January 5, 2009
SFL State Of The Union Address
My fellow Stacy From Louisvillians,
Back in August I started SFL with two questions in mind. The questions were as follows:
1) Could I maintain a blog?
2) And if I could, would it be successful?
Well, kids, here we are starting the 6th month of Stacy From Louisville and those questions have been answered loud and clear. For some crazy reason there are plenty of you out there who apparently weren't getting your recommended daily allowance of sarcasm before I showed up. I find that tragic. In my mind I imagine you sitting behind a glaring computer screen contemplating doing something meaningful with your life. You nearly pined away, your mind reeling, "If only I could waste more of my employer's time or ignore my children for 10 more minutes!" I won't go as far as to say God answered your prayer but I will say God shows his love in the most unexpected ways. (Oh, if I could wink at you right now you know I would.)
Truth be told I've loved every minute of making you laugh. Your comments are fun to read. I've loved our contests - we've taken "free", "tacky", and "classless crap" to a whole new low. Oh yes, my mother is so very proud. Thank you for making the last 6 months an absolute blast. Thank you for commenting and for coming back time and again. This site would be nothing without you.
I'd like to update you on one story that's still being written: my grandmother's. As you may remember she had a heart attack a couple of months back. Not long after the heart attack she fell and broke her tailbone and got double lung phenomena. Currently she's in a nursing home. Mentally she's sharp as a tack but her body continues to deteriorate. Her blood pressure drops dangerously low without warning. She is in constant pain. In essence she's dying very slowly and we have been told there is nothing else that can be done for her. But because she is a believer I do not grieve as one without hope. When she leaves this life she will go from being in His hands to being in His presence. In the meantime, we pray. Thank you to all of you who still ask about her. Really, it means more than you know.
So here we are at 2009. I got me one big ol' bad-sass spatula to help spread internets love. It will be a blogtastical carnival of dizzying proportion. (Heads will whirl. Some might even puke.) But first I want to hear from you.
Take a second and consider your answer to these questions:
When you read a blog what are you looking for? And, in your opinion, what could I do to make the most of SFL?
Your opinion matters to me. So satisfy my curiosity and answer the questions already. (Please remember to leave all questions in the form of a compliment.)
Today especially I'm looking forward to hearing from you...
Back in August I started SFL with two questions in mind. The questions were as follows:
1) Could I maintain a blog?
2) And if I could, would it be successful?
Well, kids, here we are starting the 6th month of Stacy From Louisville and those questions have been answered loud and clear. For some crazy reason there are plenty of you out there who apparently weren't getting your recommended daily allowance of sarcasm before I showed up. I find that tragic. In my mind I imagine you sitting behind a glaring computer screen contemplating doing something meaningful with your life. You nearly pined away, your mind reeling, "If only I could waste more of my employer's time or ignore my children for 10 more minutes!" I won't go as far as to say God answered your prayer but I will say God shows his love in the most unexpected ways. (Oh, if I could wink at you right now you know I would.)
Truth be told I've loved every minute of making you laugh. Your comments are fun to read. I've loved our contests - we've taken "free", "tacky", and "classless crap" to a whole new low. Oh yes, my mother is so very proud. Thank you for making the last 6 months an absolute blast. Thank you for commenting and for coming back time and again. This site would be nothing without you.
I'd like to update you on one story that's still being written: my grandmother's. As you may remember she had a heart attack a couple of months back. Not long after the heart attack she fell and broke her tailbone and got double lung phenomena. Currently she's in a nursing home. Mentally she's sharp as a tack but her body continues to deteriorate. Her blood pressure drops dangerously low without warning. She is in constant pain. In essence she's dying very slowly and we have been told there is nothing else that can be done for her. But because she is a believer I do not grieve as one without hope. When she leaves this life she will go from being in His hands to being in His presence. In the meantime, we pray. Thank you to all of you who still ask about her. Really, it means more than you know.
So here we are at 2009. I got me one big ol' bad-sass spatula to help spread internets love. It will be a blogtastical carnival of dizzying proportion. (Heads will whirl. Some might even puke.) But first I want to hear from you.
Take a second and consider your answer to these questions:
When you read a blog what are you looking for? And, in your opinion, what could I do to make the most of SFL?
Your opinion matters to me. So satisfy my curiosity and answer the questions already. (Please remember to leave all questions in the form of a compliment.)
Today especially I'm looking forward to hearing from you...
Friday, December 26, 2008
How was your Christmas?
Here's a glimpse into mine:
From my 7 year old daughter who wrote her own letter:
Der Santa Class,
I whant a Addi amaranken girl doll. I whant a Kit amaranken girl doll. The books whould be grate to. And I whant littlst pet shop. Have a very Mary Crimiss!
I love you!
XOXOXO
From my 5 year old son who dictated his letter:
Dear Santa,
I would like a monster truck, a transformer and that is all. I am glad you are not on Satan's team because neither am I. That's it, I'm done.
I know it sounds cheesy, but I am fortunate to be a member of such a great family. I often tell my in-laws I would have married Dan just to be a part of the group. But as it worked out I happened to fall in love with their son so there was no moral dilemma.
From my 7 year old daughter who wrote her own letter:
Der Santa Class,
I whant a Addi amaranken girl doll. I whant a Kit amaranken girl doll. The books whould be grate to. And I whant littlst pet shop. Have a very Mary Crimiss!
I love you!
XOXOXO
From my 5 year old son who dictated his letter:
Dear Santa,
I would like a monster truck, a transformer and that is all. I am glad you are not on Satan's team because neither am I. That's it, I'm done.
I know it sounds cheesy, but I am fortunate to be a member of such a great family. I often tell my in-laws I would have married Dan just to be a part of the group. But as it worked out I happened to fall in love with their son so there was no moral dilemma.
At the end of every day I'm a wife, mom, daughter, sister, aunt, in-law, and friend. Most days I wonder how I can juggle so many hats. But today I'm thanking God for every one of those relationships. As if the birth of Christ weren't enough, he has seen fit to give me gift after gift in the people I love. For me, it's been that kind of Christmas, which makes it one of the best I've had. The trick is to maintain that focus every day.
I have a sneaking suspicion that conviction is a gift, too.
So that's my Christmas story. What about you? What was your Christmas like?
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Merry Christmas!
For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government will be on His shoulders.
And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Isaiah 9:6
to us a son is given,
and the government will be on His shoulders.
And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Isaiah 9:6
May the hope and peace of the first Christmas fill you this Christmas. God's blessings to you and your family today and always.
Love in Christ,
Stacy
Monday, December 22, 2008
Christmas Contest Winners Deb and Karen
Deb & Karen, runners up for the photo caption contest, I need your addresses. My in box was wiped out by mistake. The mistake being that I am a moron. Thanks. (stacyasmall@att.net)
Christmas Has Descended at SFL Headquarters
As I type this there are 300+ brand new legos scattered all over my office floor.
An attempted art project is on the floor, too, but my daughter is in tears because she can't figure it out.
And somewhere in a CPA office across town, the man I love sits a little prouder today. He got Marvel Super Hero pajama pants from his son.
What about me? My mother gave me the jammiest jammies ever. They're fuzzy and have pink candy circle patterns. The top says "sweet" in big pink letters and has ruffled trim. Apparently I am turning 3 this Christmas.
All of that is to say we're in full-blown Christmas mode. My family came in Saturday. Tomorrow we leave to go to Florida for 10 days. When time allows I will write shorter, SFL style posts until after Christmas day. Then we'll get back to business.
But for today I'm enjoying some undivided time with my family. You go do the same.
An attempted art project is on the floor, too, but my daughter is in tears because she can't figure it out.
And somewhere in a CPA office across town, the man I love sits a little prouder today. He got Marvel Super Hero pajama pants from his son.
What about me? My mother gave me the jammiest jammies ever. They're fuzzy and have pink candy circle patterns. The top says "sweet" in big pink letters and has ruffled trim. Apparently I am turning 3 this Christmas.
All of that is to say we're in full-blown Christmas mode. My family came in Saturday. Tomorrow we leave to go to Florida for 10 days. When time allows I will write shorter, SFL style posts until after Christmas day. Then we'll get back to business.
But for today I'm enjoying some undivided time with my family. You go do the same.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
I may not know this family personally, but I know they need our prayers. Desperately.
Mark Lamberth sustained a severe brain injury from a dirt bike incident about a week ago. The complications are scary. The situation is huge. But if we're all in God's family through Christ we can ban together through prayer. So that's what I'm asking of you today: Consider offering a prayer on the Lamberth family's behalf.
Follow this link, Pray for the Lamberths , to learn the whole story.
Mark Lamberth sustained a severe brain injury from a dirt bike incident about a week ago. The complications are scary. The situation is huge. But if we're all in God's family through Christ we can ban together through prayer. So that's what I'm asking of you today: Consider offering a prayer on the Lamberth family's behalf.
Follow this link, Pray for the Lamberths , to learn the whole story.
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