Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Love In The Land of Bullet Dodging

I dated some real losers before I met Dan. One even broke my heart. Years later I look back at where he is now and realize I dodged a major bullet. Which reminds me of one of my favorite quotes: Tis better to have loved and lost than to spend the rest of your life with a psycho.



So let's dish. Tell me about your dating woes. And let's talk about dodging bullets. I promise your secret is safe with me.

19 comments:

~April~ said...

I dodged a physically abusive bullet! He was my boyfriend. He hit me and tried to choke me one night and I left. Somehow I didn't have the battered wife/girlfriend mentality and I didn't want to go back to him. (I did think about it though, don't get me wrong.) I was madly in love with him but I knew it wouldn't change until he wanted the change to happen. I thank God for giving me the sense to do the right thing!

I think that this will sort of haunt me (I sometimes have bad dreams, I don't go to the area of town where he lives & if I have to I am constantly looking over my shoulder in fear) for the rest of my life, but I use it to remind myself what other women are going through and what their mentality is during that time in their lives.

I am leaving this comment so that maybe I can help someone who is having to deal with this. I would love to help if they need it! Remember God loves you and that's all that matters.

Beth said...

That video was hilarious!!

Hmmm...dodging bullets. Before I met my husband I had a bad case of "can't be alone" syndrome. I started out dating guys who were "Christian" but really didn't know or love God...and kept regressing to the point that I was seriously dating a guy who was barely even agnostic. I would fall in love with these guys and know that my views on God and theirs didn't line up...so eventually I would break up with them and everyone would be hurt. So in a way, I think I was the bullet. Breaking someone's heart really isn't a very effective witnessing tool. They were all pretty interesting and good guys in their own way...except the one who was kind of a stalker...yeah...he was a little creepy...

Anyway, it would have been a disaster if I would have married one of them. So I AM glad that bullet was dodged. Somewhere in my heart I knew I needed someone who put God first, and I needed to decide that God came first, too. When I finally got that right and told God that he was first and I wouldn't date anyone who didn't put Him first, too...it was only a few months until I started dating my husband. Who, by the way, also had a messed up dating history and also had the "I'm putting you first" talk with God. It didn't take very long at all for us to see that God had put us together. Not that we're perfect...there have still been a LOT of things to learn along the way...

Good topic, Stacy!

katdish said...

If there was an official "Giant Loser Hall of Fame", I think many of the guys I dated would be in there. Let's see...

-Guy who wanted to marry me after 2 dates (seriously)
-Non practicing Catholic I dated for 7 years that refused to marry someone who wasn't also a non practicing Catholic
-Italian guy who liked to think he had ties to the mob (he did not). He later spent time in jail because he cashed a check at his bank and the teller accidentally gave him his check back. He refused to give them the check and re-cashed it somewhere else. The DA told him all he had to do was give the money back and the charges would be dropped. Which, he did not do. Stupid and stubborn is a very bad combination.

I could fill up your comments section with all the gems I dated, but I'll leave some space...

Kat(i)e said...

Magic opportunity to spill... but I don't think I'll take it today. I've had more than my fair share of bad relationships air time! I'm so delighted that God has given me the new chance I have now though. Not that I am dating but I am free from the trappings of when I was and it was BAD, so for once I want to say thanks without looking back.

Wow, that sounds judgemental! I totally don't think that sharing in general is wrong and it's good to hear that other people can relate. I just feel in a place where suddenly I am all about the next thing and, well, that is a pretty big deal in itself for me! :-)

P.S. Katdish that Italian guys sounds hilarious!

Stacy from Louisville said...

Kat(i)e - Good for you! But I'll bet you never dated a guy who wanted a daytimer so he could record his sins, did ya? I have to say that's hard for me to forget.

UptownHippie said...

I dodged a bullet with my first boyfriend. Basically he had no spine. He didn't stand up for what he believed in, he didn't stand up for me, and he didn't even stand up for himself. His family was completely frightening. His dad was in law enforcement and the first time I met his family, his father coolly informed me that he had run a background check on me and while he didn't find anything, he'd keep watching me. (I now know that this is ILLEGAL. I wish I knew at the time.) I finally dumped spineless boyfriend after I found out about the b/f's deep and abiding love for... porn. I threw his diamond ring in a river and never looked back.

Incidentally - one of the guys in my ex's fraternity ended up being one of my best friends. He was a shy, sweet theatre major and it was love at first sight (brotherly-sisterly love, not baby-makin' love), and his mom still refers to me as "the girl who threw a diamond ring in a river". I may have lost my boyfriend, but I gained a great friend!

Jeff said...

Hmmm, just an observation but there are no males who consider themselves as having "dodged"...

WE must all know we are lucky to have hoodwinked someone into loving us long enough to get to the altar.

THUS, I narrowly dodged being single forever some fifteen years ago.

Donna said...

Stacy......did we date the same guy......mine read a passage of scripture and prayed before we left my driveway.......and i'm sure he has made a very spiritual woman very happy......


that wasn't me.....


and Jeff, that made me giggle!!

cwatts said...

I found your blog through SCL and I think I'm getting hooked!

Well, in my short dating history, there is the guy who is now considering becoming a monk (did I have something to do with that?), and the guy who said he was a Christian, but that his faith was pretty private, as in no one else could know. Guy 2 went to church twice while we were dating, both times with me, and to my knowledge, hasn't been back except to attend weddings. So, opposite problems there.

And then there are the stray bullets where God pushed me out of the way. Example one, the strange man on a train in Ukraine who from my comments about the nice weather somehow got it into his head that I wanted to go home with him. Example two, after missing the last bus of the night, I had to walk home across southern Moscow (Russia) one fall night a few years ago and made it home safely. There were only 3 or 4 cars who stopped and I was only followed once. Generally, if you're female, under 60 and walking alone at night, you're assumed to be a prostitute and the cars who stop aren't nice old ladies asking if they can help you.

So while I'm single at the moment, I'm thankful for it considering all of the bad dating situations I could be in.

tinabea said...

I once went out with a guy who threw a tantrum in a restaurant because the waitress brought him a refill. He said "I didn't order that" and she replied that his glass was empty and she was just bringing him another one and that it was free of charge. He then glared at her and said, "I did not order that and I don't NOT want it!" and forced her to remove it from the table. I wanted to die of embarrassment.

I dated a guy one summer home from college and one day I mentioned that I was more of an introvert than an extrovert. He got angry at me for using "big" words.

Lastly, and I'm ashamed I didn't use the opportunity to oh, I don't know, witness or something, but I had a summer boyfriend (again, home from Bible college)that said something about..."you know, that baby...that one from Nazareth or wherever..." In my horror that he couldn't even come up with the name Jesus, I got out as fast as I could.

Mandy Leech said...

My first boyfriend is gay.

katdish said...

Hold the phones! I think we have a winner!

What kind of fabulous prizes do you have for Mandy?

Stacy from Louisville said...

Katdish-
I don't give away those kinds of prizes.

Anonymous said...

Okay...here are my "winners":

- The girlfriend who was meeting guys on Craigslist "adult" services for *ahem* friendship. Lied to me about it when I caught her (she asked me to check her email one day...I saw the responses she had sent). Didn't understand why I thought that was (a) unfair to me (the guy she said that she loved) (b) dangerous and (c) just freakin creepy.

- The girl who was supposed to be dating me exclusively, and was seeing someone else. She sure was surprised when I dropped by (like she encouraged me to do) and she was there with another guy. And who thought that telling me "I never meant to hurt you, but I met my soulmate" would make me feel better. Oh and who is currently single, according to her attempt to get back with me. Crazy that I didn't take her back!

Oh and the girl that I recently was talking to (met her through a dating site) and after 4 months of talking and getting to know each other told me that we could never be more than friends because she didn't fall in love with me at first sight. Dodged a bullet there I think. That kind of attitude is A++ fertile ground for a later affair.

Staying Anonymous for this one...

WV: zipit

Kat(i)e said...

Okay, now I can't resist. Mandy:
My first boyfriend WAS gay. Now he is getting married... to a woman!

Stacey: I don't really know what a daytimer is (being British n'all) but that does sound *quite* intense. None of my boyfriends have ever cared about sin at all (all from my pre-Christian days) but I imagine there is such a thing as caring to much...?!

Rick the Polonian said...

I was the bullet people dodged. Aloof, detached, too attached, mooch, workaholic, jobless, had a lot of pretty "friends", drunk, drug addict, a-hole, clingy, cheater, etc.

Sorry if I dated any of you.

On the flip side, I am reformed. I am happily married and 100% faithful.

Maybe some of those bullets will come around someday.
I don't recommend checking, "just to see". Let someone else do that.

Stacy from Louisville said...

Kat(i)e,

A daytimer is a personal organizer that is not electronic. He wanted to write down all his sins because he was afraid he'd go to hell if he didn't confess everything.

Rick,
We never dated but your comment "Sorry if you dated me" made me laugh out loud. Well done!

BeckeyZ said...

I dated the guy that said "I work HARD! and after working HARD all day, I want a quart of beer! And if you're asking me to choose between you and my beer, I'll take my beer!"

I'm actually kind of ashamed at how many dodges I had.

I was a magnet for wierdos.

Miss W said...

I had a boyfriend who got his mom to call me to make up with me after he had upset me by flirting with another girl. I was nice to his mom, but I still wouldn't answer HIS phone calls!

Then he tried to get my younger sister to date him.

Goodness gracious, I'm glad he is over. After him, I decided I needed more happiness than misery in a relationship or it wasn't worth it.