I'm really having a hard time with blogging not being an idol. There. I said it.
Wrapped up in comments. Overly aware of statistics. Competing with myself in a contest that's never ending.
And it hurts. It hurts to think it owns me and it hurts to own up to it. But that's sin for ya.
Some things are going to change. But there's one thing that won't. Let me talk about that first.
To me, we've grown into a community I never expected to value so much. I pray for you when I read hurt in your comments. I laugh with you when you're laughing with me. You've extended the community over to Facebook, and we've talked back and forth. Months ago we were strangers, today you are friends. You are an amazing blessing.
I seriously considered giving up Stacy From Louisville completely. I went back and forth but finally found peace with taking you along with me on this journey. It took lots of soul searching and waiting on God to come to this decision. That is why I haven't posted in over a week.
So here's the deal. Most likely, I will be posting less often, an only when I have something worth saying. As always, when I find something funny I'll share it with you. Laughing, sarcasm, chatty - that's who I am. But trying to conjure up fantastical and being worried about Stacy From Louisville Superstardom - that's over. Dead. Audios.
In its place you'll see me chronicle my journey about seeking the real Jesus.
What? The real Jesus? Read on.
I had this amazing conversation with a counselor friend at church about my blog and my faith in general. I said, "I feel like I've shut myself off from God." He said, and I think this is brilliant, "Have you shut yourself off from God or from your preconceived notions of who you think God is? If we knew the REAL God, instead of what we have him made out to be, no one would shut themselves off from Him."
That, my friends, is idolatry. I put my baggage - hurt from the past, misunderstandings, even false teachings - on God. So much so that when all that stuff piles up it blocks God from the picture and I don't even see Him anymore. Without realizing it I throw God under the bus and settle for a craptastic substitute.
Like a blog. Or over-eating. Or arguing with my spouse. Or my health. Or my discontent. Or a million other things that amount to nothing when it's all said and done.
In talking with my friend I told him about how, for a long time, I've felt disconnected from the physical community at my church. I was in a long-term Bible study that offered academia and legality but no connection. I skimmed the surface of friendships, afraid to invest too much out of fear of being hurt. I've tried to be a square peg in a round hole instead of finding other square pegs to hang with.
My friend was quick to remind me that by isolating myself from investing in the Body of Christ I was cutting off a major avenue to the love of Christ . He was right. He is alive in His body. Often I've wasted time being critical of the church instead of finding my place in it, and I'm putting an end to it. That means I stop whining, be a big girl and pursue relationships instead of waiting for them to fall in my lap. So that's what I'm off to do.
You're more than welcome to journey with me.
Hearing my children sing the chorus of this song is one of the things He used to keep convicting me. Sing along if you know the words.
In case you stop by one day and there's no new post, please check out 97seconds. Jon Acuff of Stuff Christians Like did 28 days on Proverbs 12. It's extremely well done and worth your time.
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