Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Dear Reader,

Jon Acuff once said, "The best way to overcome writer's block is to write about writer's block until the ideas begin to flow."

I responded, "No, Silly, the best way to overcome writer's block is plagiarism." No one else agreed with me. It was one of those "Jon is handing out sage wisdom" moments and I was just being a ridiculous. Go figure.

Here I sit with the opposite of writer's block. Right now I have ideas spinning through my head a mile a minute.

Since September life has not made sense. It started with my dad having a heart attack around the middle of the month. A few days later as I laid down highway miles traveling to his heart surgery, Dan called. A raspy, tearful voice, barely recognizable to me, demanded me to pull over. "You need to come home, Stacy. My dad is dead."

"NO! NO! NO!" Over and over I screamed. The patriarch of our family, our "go to" guy, our protection in the storm was gone. Hit head on while riding his Harley, he died on impact, taking a piece of me and the rest of the family with him into eternity.

My husband's brother's wife and I often joke that we would have married either of the boys just to get into the family. When I married Dan, the love I shared for his parents really sweetened the deal. In fact, at our wedding, Dan's dad, David, made a toast to me. He raised his glass and simply said, "Stacy today I'm proud to be called your dad." It's my favorite memory of him.

We have lost so much. Together we have been grieving, remembering, and moving on. It's a slow process. The art of letting go seems contorted, after all, we're not made to know how to handle death. We are made for eternity. For those of us in Christ, when we lose a member of the body, we can't help but long for heaven.

In the midst of losing Dan's dad, my dad had a major stroke. His personality changes and lack of ability to communicate leaves my heart raw. He isn't recovering quickly. Unfortunately his diabetes slows the process considerably. He is my daddy. Watching him suffer doesn't seem fair.

Faith aside, there is a real sense that I am grieving the loss of two dads. One is with Jesus in eternity. The other is still with me and the goal is to try to determine how to communicate with him in a way he understands. This is my greatest longing.

I wish I had and super spiritual insight to bring it all home. But in writing this to you after a long absence this is as honest as I can be. Right now I don't have many answers. I never set out to have a perfect blog, but I did promise myself I'd always be real. Part of that reality is that I have missed you. Your friendship transcends the screen.

I did have one very good thing happen in November. My family and I met Jon and Jenny Acuff. Even though they did not pay for our lunch we had a good time. We gave them a Stacy From Louisville gift bucket. Bucket, you ask? Why yes, a Kentucky Fried Chicken bucket filled with items made in Kentucky. Of course this included Maker's Mark Bourbon. (You can make whiskey anywhere, but true bourbon is only made in KY. You are welcome.) And who doesn't want bourbon without a Gettin' Lucky In Kentucky Shot Glass? Dan and I even signed it for them. Seems a shame I don't have a photo.

It is my hope to get reacquainted with you. Thank so much to those of you who have sent me Facebook messages of encouragement - and messages telling me to get back to the blog already. It all means so much.

Let's talk again soon,
Stacy

24 comments:

Rob said...

Welcome back, you've been missed! The blogosphere hasn't been the same without you. My father had similar chronic health issues as your own. I know how you feel.

In His grip,
Rob

Stacy from Louisville said...

Good to see you, too Rob!

Rick the Polonian said...

You are back! Yay! Let the sarcasm begin!
I missed you!

Donna said...

So glad you're writing again....just remember, if the Acuff can retread some posts, you can too....Christmas sweater time is here....

I'm just saying....

vanilla said...

Imagine, if you can, my excitement when I saw you pop up on my reader.
You have been missed.

We understand now. You have had a rough time. I am sorry for your loss. Keep the faith.

Blessings,
David

Karen Osler said...

Welcome back. The day you are perfect, I am sad. I recently heard someone referring to death say "He has since gone onto glory". I got excited. Gone onto glory sounds like a good gig. Much better than death. I am eager to go onto glory. I am sorry for your loss, though. My Dad had a stroke, too so I understand how you are forced to be the care taker, not the child.
Since I live in Cincinnati, I now want a shot glass from Kentucky. I didn't realize my neighboring state had so much to give!
Welcome back. Be real, be sad, be sarcastic....Be Stacy! We cyber freaks like you!

Jenny said...

So happy to see you again. I have missed your insights.

So, so sorry to hear of your loss and the struggles you have been experiencing.

Ashlie Skidmore said...

good to have you back

Curtis Honeycutt said...

Stacy,

Welcome the heck back! It's good to have your sass back on the internet.

Candace Jean July 16 said...

Please know you've been prayed for abundantly. It's so good to have you back. You always did your best writing about nothing anyway - sort of the Seinfeld of the blog world. My prayers continue to be with your family. I know how difficult this is for you. Been there. Love you girl!

Pam said...

So sorry that you're having these troubles.

bub said...

Yay! Being one of your first contest winners, I am more than excited to see you back at it. Missed you!

Sarah said...

I was so glad to see a new post from you this morning! I'm so sorry for the loss of one of your Dads, and I'll be praying that your Father's suffering will be eased and that you will find a way to communicate with him during this trying time.

God Bless you, Stacy!

Nelson's Mama said...

Welcome back Stacy, I have missed you so!

Helen said...

I am sorry for your loss, and for the pain your dad is going through. Praying for you and your family.

Max02 said...

Welcome back! Of all the blogs I stalk, yours was always one of the highlights.

I really feel for you and your family. Although I've never experienced the loss of a parent, my wife and I are taking care of her mother who recently had a stroke.

She was living in another city and we moved her down to live with us after the stroke. She also has diabetes and is not recovering very quickly. She can talk almost normally now, but she still has little to no movement in her right leg and arm.

I'll be praying for all of you.

Julie said...

So deeply sorry for all you have been through the last couple of months. It really is good to see you back on here. I have missed all the laughs you have provided.

I agree with Donna - this is the perfect time of year to bring out some old posts. I'm having a party with a White Elephant next week. I used the fish idea last year and my sister-in-law thought it was the funniest thing. Great memories that started with SFL. Thanks!

Glad to see you back and hope that you are able to fully enjoy this time of year.

Julie =)

Dan Lewis said...

I was shocked when I checked your blog and didn't see the picture of the old lady. Good to see you back Stacy. I'm sorry to hear about your father and your father in-law. I was in your neck of the woods back in August on a mission trip in Hope, Kentucky at the Hope Hill School. Ever heard of it? Hope to hear more from you Stacy!

Tasty said...

I love you, Stacy.

Amanda said...

Welcome back and I'm so sorry. Praying.

Beth said...

As excited as I am that you're back, my heart is breaking for you in all that you've been through recently.

I'll be praying for you and your families.

eastern ky pastor said...

Stacy, you know how my heart has been rent for you and Dan. As the official SFL Bible College Chaplin...

let me welcome you back to campus. Love you girl!

Raw Faith Real World said...

Welcome back to your very own corner of the blogosphere. I'm not surprised for the lack of posting here. I know for me, sometimes in the times where the most is going on internally, it's too hard to write... there are too many thoughts. I'm glad you got to spend some time with the Acuffs. They strike me as great people and kindred spirits. It had to be good for your heartto hang around with them.

I'll continue praying for you and your family, especially your dad. The diabetes definately makes dealing with other chronic health stuff harder... things like strokes or head trauma, or other mental issues can be aggravated by emotional impact of the diabetes too. I know with my husband sometimes he's almost like himself and other times it's like living with a ghost. May God continue to touch both of them.

How are you feeling physically with all this stuff going on. You are greatly loved! Thanks for sharing your life with us.

MadHatter said...

Don't know you, but have come to love you and I missed you. Thank you for being so honest about your loss. Had some of that my way too and it flat out sucks. My hope is secure, but my heart is hurting. Will be praying for your family. Glad you're back.