A Public Service Announcement From SFL

There are many government organizations that support this campaign. Have those you love tested before it's too late.



What will YOU do to prevent cooties?

He Was Injured Bad

Yesterday's post can be summed up with this sentence: Once they find it, it's their favorite thing. We are of course talking about wee wees. I would use the proper medical term but I'm not mature enough to type it without giggling. Fortunately, Susan O. knows someone who isn't afraid to come out and say it. Here he is...



On another somewhat related topic my daughter (7) asked me this: "If you have a bathing suit with two pieces it can be immodest. But what if you forgot to put the top on? Would that just be a 50/50 sin, because, you know, you just forgot? Or is God gonna be mad?"

What do you think? Keeping theology and doctrine in mind please let me know how you would answer her question.

"It's my favorite thing."

This is Sawyer at 3. He's pouting. You would be too if you had me for a mom.

One day, when he was 3, we had taken his sister to Kindergarten and he was unusually quiet. Sawyer is never quiet. He was actually kind of sad and on the verge of tears.

"What's wrong, Buddy?" I asked.

With complete sincerity he asked, "When I get big will my wee-wee fall off like Hailey's did?"

You know it took everything I had in me not to fall over laughing.

"No," I said. "Your wee-wee will never fall off. You will have it forever."

Obvious relief filled his face as he said, "That's good cause I love my wee-wee. It's my favorite thing."

"Yes, Honey. I know." And he gave me a big hug of relief.


So let's talk kids. What's the funniest thing you ever heard a child say?

Take THAT Diane Sawyer!

Contest Winners!!!

Are you gonna eat that?

Congratulations Christy, May 10 @ 11:01 P.M. Send me a mailing address and you bounty is in the mail.

Our random winner is: Chris, May 11 @ 5:33 A.M. Wear the bikini top with pride. Or don't. In either case, send me your address.

stacyasmall@att.net

Facebook: stacy a small

Twitter: @stacyasmallSFL

Thanks to everyone who played along. Putting together the prize packs for you all is a highlight for me. I consider myself privileged to have such great readers who share this site with me. I love having fun with you!

Contest Prize Pack

I've been known to pack lots of laughs into SFL giveaways. But never before have I packed so much love into one. Without further ado I give you...

The Random Prize Pack of Dumb!!!

Party Bikini Top - Isn't there a little hula curious in everybody? Used to be you had to wear a coconut bra and grass skirt to be legit. Luckily the rules have relaxed a little. (Which is a relief. The husk on those things causes serious fiber chaffing, or so I've been told.) So here's a party bikini top just for you. Notice I specifically did not choose a pink bikini top, you know, just in case a guy won.

Generic Frog Peep Candy - Green and yellow in color, never before has a candy company successfully marketed a sugar-rolled loogie. Three hocks per box.

OR

A left over Kentucky Derby cookie. It has icing. Let's move on.

Cast Awana, The Movie - The less heard of spin-off of Cast Away, both staring Tom Hanks. Speaking of Tom Hanks, what if Forrest Gump wandered into the Cast Awana movie? Imagine Forrest Gump in his Sparks vest, "I many not be a smart man Jenny but I know what my verse is." Precious.

OR

Left Behind II Tribulation Force - Starring Kirk Cameron. Here's what the box says, "Left Behind will have you jumping out of your seat and shouting at the movie screen, as you feel compelled to join the Tribulation Force." Join them? What?? Oh, wait. I get it. Join them to make a better movie. Plus, I've added Mr. Miyagi commentary: "You no kick your way into heaven. This movie very sucky-son."

The Redneck Spoons Playing Kit - Because what else are you supposed to do dressed in your bikini top, eating snot candy, and staring at your VHS box? It comes with spoons, which is spectacular. I took it out of the box and tried to play. I knew I'd be extra super good at it when the first instruction was "sit". If you could manage to be barefoot and pregnant while playing spoons, all the better.

Both winners announced Wednesday.

Superiority Is Within Your Reach

LOOK! HERE I AM COMBINING CAPS LOCK WITH TOO MANY EXCLAMATION POINTS AND A BOLD FONT!!!! TO THINK I WOKE UP THIS MORNING FEELING 17% LESS LUDICROUS THAN NORMAL!!! IT WASN'T PMS AT ALL!!!!

IT WAS LACK OF CAPS LOCK!!!!!!!!

Halloween Candy Tasting

Like I've said before, don't eat while watching this clip. Also, pee before watching or you're gonna mess yourself and we wouldn't want that. Enjoy!

Caption My Photo Contest

One woman's carnage is another woman's inspiration. At least that's what I keep telling myself. So here you have it, straight from my asphalt to your computer screen: The SFL Photo Caption Contest. (Yes, I took this picture myself.)

There are 2 ways to win. First, come up with the most creative caption for this photo. Or, leave your name and a lame excuse as to why you can't bring it to captionville. There will be one winning caption, and one randomly selected SFL reader. I've never done a contest this way but I think it will be fun.

You have until Thursday to enter the contest. Prizes will be posted later this week.

Game on!!

My Favorite Story About My Mom

When you see a title "My Favorite Story About My Mom" there are certain expectations. Images of hugging and flowers come to mind. Perhaps the smell of your favorite home-cooked meal, or knowing that mom will always be there for you. Yes, these are tender memories. Yet, they have nothing to do with my favorite, now iconic, story about my mom.

Growing up we lived on a wooded, 1 acre lot. We had a creek that ran down one side of the yard. It was lovely, except when there were thunderstorms. Wind and rain scattered branches and limbs throughout the property. On the off chance we skipped removing the debris from the lawn, after a few storms the yard was a real mess.

One summer, when I was in junior high, we had a series of storms that left an unusually large amount of branches on our lot. My mom had this great idea that we could outside and throw the sticks in the dry creek bed. When Dad got home he could burn them. So out we went.

The pile we amassed was probably 3 feet high and 5 feet across. I remember looking at it thinking it was going to make one heck of a fire. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw my mom take a packet of matches out of her pocket. I distinctly remember thinking, "Huh. This isn't how Dad burns stuff." But I was half way across the yard and figured this was more interesting that going inside, so I was going to hang out and watch.

She lit a match and threw it on the pile.

Nothing.

So she lit another match.

Nothing. Again.

I don't know how many matches she threw on the pile but she made several more attempts, all with the same result. That's when she turned around, I assumed, to go back into the house. But that's not what she did. No, not at all.

She returned to the pile of sticks - from the garage - carrying...(wait for it)...

A. Can. Of. Gasoline.

She took the gas and randomly sprinkled a little on the pile to help start the fire. She threw in a match.

Nothing.

By this time she was hot, frustrated, and determined. So she took the FULL can of gasoline and dumped it all over that pile of sticks. And friends, we had a riding lawn mower, so it was a big can of gasoline. ALL. OVER. THOSE. STICKS.

She lit a match.

She threw it in.

At first, nothing. Then:

BAM!!!!!

That thing blew up like a Zamboni on the 4th of July. My jaw dropped. I shifted my glance to my mom.

I swear, she easily flew 3 feet into the air, just like on a cartoon. Then, she dropped to the ground, rolled several times and lay motionless well away from the blazing fire.

I ran like a bat out of hell over to my mom. "MOM! Are you OK?! MOM!"

"Yes. I'm...fine...yes." Prostrate on the ground, face in the grass, lifting one arm in the air as if to say, "There's nothing to see here folks."

When I knew she was okay - and only when I knew she was okay - I fell to the ground laughing like I have never laughed in my entire life. We're talking full on, body laughing, no sound coming out because I was literally cracking up over what she did. I was crying I was laughing so hard.

My mom sits up, while wiping dirt off her face, says, "I guess that was too much gas."

At this point, the neighbors are involved, calling 911, running over with garden hoses. It was spectacular.

Today, 21 years later, the story lives on. Night after night my son, as I put him to bed, says, "Tell me that story about Grandma Linda and how she blew up."

Happy Mother's Day everybody. Hope it's a blast!

(Contest on Monday!!)