Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Christmas Shoes - New & Improved!

Listening to the radio the other day the DJ said, "You're either going to need a tissue as you cry through this song or you will decide to adjust your spam filter. Here it is, "Christmas Shoes". Just a few notes into the song 2 things happened to me: 1) my ears started to bleed and 2) for a split second I wished I were Jewish. (Plus, I've always thought Dan would look hot in a yarmulke.)

I hate the song "Christmas Shoes". Do you feel the same way? Other than the song itself I have not real framework for the story. But based on the song alone here's what I gather...

There's a kid with a sick mom. She's going to die. So instead of comforting her as she dies he decides she won't be able to get into heaven unless she's well dressed. (Some women's ministry programs operate on this same premise. Just saying.) So he goes out to Footlocker on Christmas Eve. Instead of selecting a nice, sensible Hush Puppy, he selects some red, crystal encrusted Dior heels for about $450. He gets up to pay for the shoes, and even though he knocked over a 7-11 on his way over, he doesn't enough coin for the bling. So he deviously cons the guy behind him in line out of some mad cash. He buys the shoes. He shoves the receipt in his pocket. And laughs all the way home. He's taking them back the day after Christmas and pocketing the proceeds.

That's the way it should be anyway. I mean, seriously, people! Who wrote this song? I don't know if there are world religions that offer divine merit based on footwear, but maybe that's what they were thinking.

I toyed with putting the song and video to "Christmas Shoes" up today. But I wouldn't want you to think I endorse such behavior.

If someone were to haphazardly turn on the super sunny Christian radio station and hear "Christmas Shoes" they'd think we're a sad bunch. Maybe this is better.



(George, I would never dis you on Christmas. Steal your mousse, maybe. But never would I break your heart. E.V.E.R.)

So, what's your least favorite Christmas song?

19 comments:

Karen Osler said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Karen Osler said...

This year the song that bugs me is "Here Comes Santa Claus"....(Elves aren't gonna attack me for saying that are they?) Here's the line that's honking me off "Santa knows that we're Gods' children, so that makes everything right. So hang your stocking and say your prayers, 'cause Santa Claus is comin' tonight." Then I hear the officer from Stripes say "Lighten Up Frances!" I did hear the shoe song tonight and think of you.
Now my FAVORITE song this year is "I heard the Bell's on Christmas Day" Beautiful lyrics!
And what is up with Mannheim Steamroller? Could music be any "busier?" Does anyone like that? Really? (Bah Humbug)

stacie said...

Karen - I JUST heard the Santa Claus song tonight on the way home, and I had the same thought about the same line! (However, I do love me some Mannheim Steamroller!)

My very LEAST favorite Christmas song, though, is the John Lennon "Happy Christmas/War is Over" song. I don't get it, and it gets stuck in my head. Also the radio station plays it every five minutes, so I can't get away from it!

Jordan said...

I must admit I have never heard Christmas Shoes. And I never want to.

Elizabeth R said...

My least favorite has got to be "Wonderful Christmastime" by Paul McCartney. Soooo annoying. And it gets stuck in my head (like right now! gah! get it out!)

Jenny said...

My 17 year-old daughter and I have a dispute every time the Christmas Shoes song is on. She wants to listen, and I want to hurl. What's worse is there is a movie with the same title. Ugh.

I've also developed a dislike for the Ronettes' version of "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus." Somthing about the introduction irks me.

I really like Celine Dion's version of "Don't Save It All For Christmas Day." It's old, but it's good.

lori said...

susie snowflake. makes me want to punch snowmen in the face. not cool.

vanilla said...

"Grandma Got Run Over.."

[he doesn't enough coin for the bling ;)

Karen Osler said...

Or I wanna hippopotamus for Christmas? Did you EVER think that was a kid singing?
Stacie, sorry about insulting the Steamroller people. Maybe it's my ADHD. As soon as it comes on I'm like a bird in the house, smackin' against windows and can't think or plan. It just makes me feel "busy".
SFL...I bought an extra bottle of Santa's Butt Beer yesterday from Jungle Jim's to put away for next year....or if you want it.

Stacy from Louisville said...

Karen - I WANT!!!!

Sarah said...

Elizabeth R... I hear ya. That song makes my head want to asplode.

Why are there so many annoying Christmas songs? Is it some sort of disease that infects songwriters and makes them write the cheesiest, corniest, annoyingest songs possible? Tinselitis?

Marni said...

Ha! I remember the Christmas Shoes post from last year. We were some angry women as we discussed that stupid song ;-)

I can't stand Paul McCartney's "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time". Ugh. He has such talent, and then he cranks out that fodder. Such a letdown.

Helen said...

I am okay with the Christmas Shoes reminder to be kind and generous ... I am not okay with hearing a dead mama song every few minutes... Once a year is quite enough for me.

I like Mannheim Steamroller. But don't mind me. I am planning on purchasing the new REO Speedwagon Christmas Album this year, as well as the Rick Springfield Album.

Karen Osler said...

I get the Mannheim Steamroller and Trans-Siberian groups confused. One has long hair, all those groups make me jump up and run around with no focus.I'm sorry. I will try to like them, but I may have to drink Stacy's beer first. Sorry Stacy. Actually just tell me where to ship it (after Christmas) via face book mail. Yeah, feel free to send some stranger your address because you want some beer that says "Santa's Butt".lol. I promise I am a fan of Dave Ramsey and am too cheap to drive from Cincinnati to Louisville!

Joni (Queen of the Manor) said...

I laughed so hard at this post that I almost peed my pants. Good way to start the morning. You amuse me.

K Storm said...

There is some song about "there is something stuck up in the chimney and I don't know what it is but its been there since last Christmas"...that is a horrible song! Are they saying that Santa got stuck and died in the chimney? That'll scar a kid!

Misslisslee said...

Loved it - Wham! was awesome. One of the XM stations is stuck on this Christmas song by a group I'd never heard of before called the Waitresses. Very catchy tune, but annoying song.

WV: waperi - what I mentally picture every time a sad Christmas song plays - whapping the air like a flyswatter.

Kemma said...

Here in the vicinity of San Francisco, we've got this 'lite rock' station that goes All Christmas, All The Time, starting on December 1st. If you could just look at my own (small, yet growing exponentially, it seems) collection of Christmas CD's, you'd think "Great! A whole station devoted to Christmas music? Think of all the variety I'll be hearing!" but you'd be wrong. I think they must have 3 albums, including this little Christmas Chestnut by Vic Damone "Christmas in San Fran-cisco". I swear, that single song gets more air time than the Tiger infidelity fiasco. And it's like a crooner's travelogue of the city. If you committed the lyrics to heart, you'd know all the right landmarks to see if you could only spend a weekend in "the city by the Bay". Argh.
Here. I don't want you to be deprived of this little gem:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vA_0cvyh3oE

JennyM said...

"I'll be home for Christmas"...sung by Toni Braxton to a bunch of homeless kids in a shelter...for a TV special. Hey kids, a film crew is coming to watch you be reminded that you are HOMELESS.