Jacked Up Jack-O-Lantern CONTEST

(This is a contest, ergo "contest" in the title. Read through the post and find your assignment at the bottom. Good luck!)

I don't know if Little Boy Jesus ever went Trick or Treating. There's just some things Scripture doesn't speak to. But I can imagine LBJ (Little Boy Jesus, not Lyndon B. Johnson) dressed as a camel or Buzz Lightyear or Gene Simmons. (or not) He's carrying his empty gourd hoping to score some mad candy and hummus as he celebrates Halloween, Nazareth style. Surely, though, there were some people who weren't into Halloween, even then. No pumpkins, no costumes, no candy, no nothin'. I have this theory that's what initially caused the rift between Him and the Pharisees. Yep, I'm blaming anti-halloween stingy candy uppityness. Cheating LBJ out of taffy and tootsie rolls was a big mistake. Huge.

Fast forward 2000+ years. The same thing happens, but with a holy spin. At church last week I overheard one woman talking to another, saying, "I take the pumpkin, carve a cross instead of a face, put a lit candle inside, then turn off all the lights and pretend we're not home when people ring the doorbell. That's how we do Halloween." It was a really animated conversation. Though I can't be sure I think I saw her pull the template out of her bootleg Coach purse. If I would have been thinking I would have snapped a pic with my camera phone. I always miss out on the good stuff. Dang it.

If there's one thing we need around Stacy From Louisville (besides common sense) it's a shout out for Pumpkin Carving Ministry. It's a spiritual gift, but a secret one. It's true. Okay, it's not true but it sounds good so I'm going with it. The point is, pumpkins, like any good squash or root vegetable can represent cross sections of Christian culture. For example...

Pumpkin a la Women's Ministry
See how happy and smiley? It wants to hug you and help you find a pretty corduroy jumper for your next night out with your husband. Sexy. If this beautykin could talk she'd say, "Hope to see you at the fall women's retreat!" To which I'd probably tell you it's okay to convert, just until the first snow falls.


Church Greeter Pumpkin
This smile, permanently plastered to his face, is there just for the purpose of saying, "Good Morning!" 50,000 times in a row. Plus, he spits a little every time he talks. Nice. If you don't have a good experience at church he'll find out about it and force happy pills down your throat until you change your story. But be careful! If he spots a visitor, or - heaven help us - a nonbeliever, it's all over. They'll need to pull out the pepper spray and run. Fast. This is church. You're going to be happy and like it, or you're gettin' jumped by this guy. P.S. He's got bad post-communion breath. Aw snap.





Youth Group Pumpkin
Oh, for shame! You mutant, hormonal, sarcastic teenagers. You won't get into any notable Bible Colleges if you keep this up. And girls, you can just forget marrying a pastor with pumpkin posterior humor. This is serious. I'm taking away your pot if you don't stop. (Not that I advocate pot. I only advocate mooning pumpkins statues.)



Pastoral Staff Meeting Pumpkin
Are you in vocational ministry? Do you ever feel misunderstood? Ever long for the safe haven of your office where you can surf SFL archives? I know your pain. I used to be on the vocational ministry fast track. It never worked out for me, though. To this day I still can't figure out why...


Caption Contest Pumpkin
Now it's your turn. Caption this pumpkin scenario. Be creative, or sarcastic, or whatever it takes to win big. You've seen in the past that I do some fun contests. ("Blog Fodder - Contests & Giveaways" will show you what I mean.) So here's your chance. Contest runs until midnight Pacific time on Sunday (October 19). Judges will be announced and a picture of the prize will be posted over the weekend. Here's hoping....