Friday, July 4, 2008

Prankfest Vol. I: Cunning & Craigslist

I am the Kung-Fu Master of practical jokes. With stealth like accuracy I hone in on my victim. When they are least suspecting it, Hiiiiiii YAH! I strike, leaving devastation in my wake. It is important that you know this about me because it is one of my spiritual gifts. It is not too much to say that I am the stuff of legends. One day in the nursing home, when all I have left are floral nightgowns and jello salad, I will still be pranking people. So when your time comes, choose a facility carefully or you might wake up to find your support hose are filled with Preparation H. That's just how I roll.

So welcome to my first recurring post, Prankfest. Much like the masked magician who gives away other magicians' secrets, I will let you in on some of my more delinquent trickery. I do this as a public service, really. Sadly, there are some among us who are, to put it delicately, prankagely challenged. They want to prank, they do! They long to soar on the wings of deception, racing skyward as mocking laughter carries them up, up, up to the heights of bright and shiny sarcasm. But alas, they are wearing leaded loafers. These are the prankless, the children that hijinks left behind.

Well fear not my orphaned friends! My hoaxes are not copy written. Steal them, I say! And because you are a virginal pranker, no one will ever suspect you. It is in this vein that I submit to you one of my more recent pranks.

Cunning & Craigslist

My husband loves me and knows how I am. Mind you, he's got a few tricks up his sleeve, too. But I digress. He is a straight laced CPA. He works in a sterile hovel of an office with a 10 key calculator and a stack of tax forms. He is analytical with a dry sense of humor. When he's at work, though, he's so focused on the task at hand that he has time for little else, including my shenanigans. And this is what makes him a perfect target.

One day, whilst paroozing Craigslist I stumbled upon the following ad:

Tailgate, Party Bus, Travel Bus, Camper $7000 Louisville, KY

This was just too easy. Here's the written response:

"This perfect for me. I do travil carnival family business, wuld like so very much your bus so my wives and childrens not have to ride with peting animal zoo no more. Have cash from recunt selling of ostrich and churros machine. Please you write back soon to this uhdress (insert husband's work e-mail). I am Dan. I pay you for bus soon as I look, must be sure it can be gutted and have rume for travel beds. Does bus have working toilet with seat? My wives be so very happy. So much thanking to you, Daniel"

It was a thing of glory.

They contacted him. What I wasn't counting on was that they were one of his clients. No, I'm not joking. Luckily his e-mail address is a bit obscure, so that saved my sweet patoot.

I signed him up for other stuff, too. But this, by far, was the best.

So, now it's your turn. Craigslist is still out there. Would I endorse such renegade revelry? Of course not, that would be naughty of me. But if by chance you do decide to exercise your spiritual gifts in this area, as long as no one gets hurt, you have my blessing. And Dan's. But he's at work right now so he's too busy to tell you that himself.


Andrea said...

So glad you finally decided to start writing and share your spiritual "gifts" with us in a forum other than SCL comments!

lollydama said...

Side hugs for StacyfromLouisville of SCL fame.

JennyM said...

YES!!! YES YES YES!!! You're HERE!!!!

I side hug you in joy!!!

I once phoned my BFF and told her answering machine that I was PG&E informing her of a large gas bubble above her house and to call back IMMEDIATELY in case her home exploded. I live in Eastern Canada. She lives in California. I can do a PERFECT Southern accent.
I scammed the crap out of her and she was making panic calls to Pacific Gas and Electric a la Erin Brokovitch to have SOMEONE turn off her gas!!!!! The dear thing didn't think for one second that a woman from the Deep South might call her in California about a single home gas leak. Sucker. After 2 or 3 supervisors, she decided that maybe they were right and there wasn't a gas leak. When I called her later, I asked her how the leak was doing.
To which she replied "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! THAT WAS YOU?!?!?!?!?!"
When I stopped laughing, she told me she'd played the tape for her husband and he said "Oh yeah, that's so Jennifer".

I do love your spelling. He must love you and brag you up to all his buddies in the dark nether regions of Accountia. My hubby was going to be an accountant. But he isn't, PTL he hated ties!!!

JennyM said...

I was going to mention BETWEEN "I love your spelling " and "he must love you" about your husband and how it is cute that he replies on SCL as "Stacy's husband".
I am anal about bad sentence structure, I'm on chocolate for it.

eastern KY pastor said...

One of my favorites was calling in samples of Rogaine for certain thin headed friends.

another lisa said...

we are in maine for the summer, and it seems most of the kids here haven't ever had anyone teach them or let them prank.
so we had an unofficial prank day, where boys and girls teams "got" each other all day.
i had to advise and provide some supplies (saran wrap, vaseline, snappers) and keep the lid on property damage. but i think the kids had fun on a dreary day.
since then, there have been strategy sessions and pleas for one more end-of-summer prank day.
kid stuff compared to you, maestro, but good to teach them to laugh @ themselves as well as to be creative.

teamstrand said...

stacy, i love this. LOVE THIS! I have done things like repeatedly call "The Scooter Store" etc, and give all my hubby's info (he is also a CPA) so they keep calling him to finalize a deal.

I moved from New Jersey to a town of 2200 in North Dakota. I think you got a better deal. My husband travels to louisville for business a lot. It's nicer than Bottineau.
seriously. Check out Bottineau.Com

Neyhart said...

I want to hear about more pranks :)
I have some stories of my own as well :)