At 84 my grandmother is the most Godly women I have ever known. Yet tonight she's barely 100 pounds and languishing. Hospital corridors and unanswered questions flood my mind as the swell of the waves threaten to drag me below the the water's surface.
It's amazing how one phone call can change so much.
On Wednesday morning of last week the rain started. We hastily packed bags and headed two hours north. At that point all I knew was that she had fallen and couldn't get help. What I later came to understand was that she was so weak it took her over an hour to crawl to the phone to get assistance.
The situation we're in comes as a surprise to no one; she's been deteriorating for years with congestive heart. But, trust me, there's no such thing as grieving in advance. Yet unlike so many crisis situations I've faced in the past, I'm facing this one differently. Here's why...
God's plans baffle me. The fact is, I waste brain space when I do any more than trust Him moment by moment. There's no way I can control any of what's happening around me. So I'm not going to cause myself more grief by pretending I can.
Unlike other crossroads in my life I'm not running away this time.
In fact, I say, "Let it rain." Even if the floods overtake me, He will never let me go. And though rain may hide my tears, He's no less aware of each and every one.
He's big enough & small enough - at the same time - to be in every facet of life. He's in me and my grandma. And that right there is a reason to hope.
I've learned, whether we realize it or not, every day is a crossroad for each of us. Every day we must decide. Do we choose to rest in Him or try to rest without Him? I've tried walking both paths and the second choice has never given me the strength to say, "Let it rain." What I've had to come to realize is that I'd rather be soaking wet in God's rain than drowning in a flood of my own undoing.
Today, come what may, I'm going to rest in Him. Even in the rain.
How about you?
As a Godly woman, your Grandma knows what's in store for her. And it's beautiful. God has you in the palm of His hand. Embrace the rain. It's cleansing and He's got you. Peace to you this Sunday evening.
ReplyDeletePraying for you and your Grandma Stacy.
ReplyDeleteguh... Unless your grandma's name is Stacy too, then that should have said "Praying for you and your Grandma, Stacy." :)
ReplyDeleteI understand. Prayers for you.
ReplyDeleteMy grandmother is in the hospital this weekend as well. She is 85, and has been deteriorating for quote some time. But like you said, there is really no grieving in advance.
ReplyDeletePraying for you
Leslie
"What I've had to come to realize is that I'd rather be soaking wet in God's rain than drowning in a flood of my own undoing."
ReplyDeletePerfect. Beautiful. I so 100% agree.
Me, too. I choose to rest in HIM today. A beautiful way to put it. Praying for you, your grandma, and your family.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the encouragement today, Stacy.
ReplyDelete=)
Let it rain, but take an umbrella
ReplyDeleteAs the officially unofficial chaplin of the SFLBC, you know we've got your back in prayer for your family.
OBTW, my son is still loving the dino!
Eastern KY Pastor,
ReplyDeleteYes to the umbrella. And maybe some floaties.
Sounds like your are having a "Bring the Rain" moment. If you haven't heard that Mercy Me song please look it up.
ReplyDeleteIf you really check out the lyrics it's gotta be a hard song to sing and truly mean it (I'm listening to it right now as I type this)
You and your grandmother are in my prayers.
Let's break out the umbrellas!
Keith
Praying for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteHi Stacy,
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for you and your grandmother and I'm so sorry for the pain you're having to deal with.
It's raining for me today too. My dear friend Keith is a pastor near Austin TX and yesterday he suffered a seizure and is unresponsive. Horrible things like tumor or aneurism have been ruled out praise God, but he's still critical. He's young, he's an amazing servant of God and he has a wife and four children under the age of 5. God's plan here baffles me too, but I'm trusting (tho' it ain't easy, trust me)
God let me get soaking wet in a massive rain storm a few years ago. But He revealed Himself to me that still makes me weep when I ponder it...as I often do. I don't know what God is doing in your life pertaining to your beloved grandmother, but I know He will show you His heart like you can't believe if you ask Him "why are you doing this???"
I went up on my roof when I reached a point of pain that I couldn't take one more second (I remember thinking that the roof got me that much closer to God physically or something irrational like that). It was late at night and I'm sobbing and screaming "Why are you doing this?" I can't describe the overwhelming presence of Him at that point. I still don't fully understand why God did what He did, all I know is He lifted up his robe and came running when I cried out for Him.
That is my prayer for you as you deal with this. That He'll come running each time you ask Him "why?"
Much love and prayers,
Marni
Alright, I'm in. I'll rest in him today also. Sorry about your Grandma, praying for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteMuch rain around here also - but how neat that all of these people we do not even know are willing to hold umbrellas for each other. My 87 yr old mother spent some time in the hospital this weekend - but came out as well as you can at that age!! I will be praying that you feel the prayers of all of us in the comfort of God surrounding you.
ReplyDeleteAs soon as I read your post I thought of a song that has so quickly become my favorite. MercyMe's "Bring the Rain". I have had a little understood disease for about 13 years. I went years with Doc's telling me that I was making this up or that I just wanted the attention. I ended up being critically ill by the age of 16. I ended up spending a total of 4 years in the hospital, unable to eat for 5 years, and in respiratory failure and on a vent for 8 months. I was not even able to leave my bed room unless an ambulance came to take me to the hospital. Finally after getting an experimental treatment, I am now running, eating and getting my life back. All through that time, though I believe without a doubt God has a purpose for everything, I was at a loose to see what He was doing in my life. Now, 7 years later, at the age of 24, God has used all this time in ways far beyond my wildest dreams. Not only has it brought me closer to my Lord and Savior in ways I am still in awe of, but it has brought me gifts far beyond any I have ever felt. Friends and family that did everything short of moving mountains for me. A love and passion for those suffering. A love for life and understanding that tomorrow is not a guarantee though I have lived most of my life that way. Praise God for "the rain" in my life!
ReplyDeleteHere is the link to the song on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m17af0XmPFo
God Bless You Stacy,
Love In Christ,
Lindsay