One Perfect Lie

The only person who ends up happy in Cinderella is the fat mouse Gus. And that's just because he's too stupid to know better. The rest of it is crap.

Now I'm not a Cinderella hater but what if Cinderella was a true story? Wouldn't you like to sit in on couple's therapy with them? Abandoned by the death of her father and made to scrub toilets with her hairbrush, she'll have trust and personal hygiene issues that'll shatter that glass slipper. And the prince? Full of himself with an overbearing father who throws chicks at him like knickers at an Elvis concert... Oh yeah. Happily never after.

Yet so many of us are delusional about Fairy Tale endings. Whether you're a man or woman no one says "I do" thinking, "I can't wait till we're both jaded and in a sexless marriage. That will be spectacular!" But it happens doesn't it?

Our society constantly bombards us with images that counterfeit romance, perfection, sex and infatuation for genuine love. This thinking sets up marriage for failure: we want much, but are willing to give very little.

Try this on for size. You've seen it before but humor me.



This movie coined the phrases, "You complete me" and "You had me at hello". When that scene was first aired in movie theaters two things happened:

Women teared up and wondered why the guy next to them never said anything remotely as romantic and if he hadn't, shouldn't she demand it of him? She's worth it, isn't she?

Men shifted in their seats and wondered if this sopping, Velveeta-logged chick flick would ever end.

Though at the time I did the chick thing, I have to side with the guys now. If you break Jerry McGuire apart you have a widowed single mom, a recently dumped fiancee with career and commitment issues, haphazard sex between two people who barely know each other, marriage on a whim and a preschooler who drops the f-bomb and wants to go to the zoo. (Now that sounds awesome, somebody sign me up. Wait. I'm already married and monogamous. Danggit! I always miss out on the good stuff.)

The underlying message here is "My life sucks. What can you do for me to come in and clean it up and make it slightly less massacureish?" But those lines don't sell movies.

Yes, Jerry McGuire is just a movie. It's entertainment. We all know entertainment is that one part of life that doesn't have to support our convictions, right?

The idea that another person - a spouse or someone you're living with because marriage isn't convenient - can complete you is one perfect lie. It's a premeditated deception that gives Satan the jollies like none other. Why? Because God is about relationships. He uses marriage to make us more like Him and to show His love for us.

Marriage isn't about making us happy, though there are happy times to be had for sure. Marriage is a relationship that brings sin to the surface. It's our choice whether or not we will turn to God to redeem us, our spouse to fix us, or our own faulty judgment to excuse us when we bail. The last two will chip away at you, your spouse, and your relationship with Christ every time.

In every relationship we've got to remember that each person is steeped in sin. In marriage, your spouse's sin and your sin will play off each other until you: A) don't recognize each other anymore, B) doubt that this person is "the one" (which could somehow justify divorce) or C) you surrender yourself to Christ and let him work on you regardless of whether or not your spouse changes. It's a narrow road to be sure.

I believe all couples - Christian or not - will deal with all these scenarios at some point. It's my hunch that the Christian couples who have marriages that thrive, practice #3 before ever saying "I do". And they keep practicing it whether they feel like it or not; they know love isn't a feeling, it's a choice.

How do I know this stuff? A few years ago Dan and I were on the brink of disaster. Kids, it was bad. Really. Why did we stay with it? Because no matter how imperfect our situation we could not justify jumping ship on a commitment to Christ. There was hell to pay and we anted up. Turns out we believed a lot of lies. These days we know more about Biblical love. We're not perfect, we're not even close. But we're in Him and we're together, always.

I don't know where you are in your life now. Maybe you're single or dating. Maybe you're married, happily or otherwise. I'd love to hear from you: What lies have tried to derail your marriage, or your idea of marriage? What truth are you basing your relationship on now? Let's get some conversation going.